Homestar Runner Fanstuff Wiki

Some of the characters from left to right: Homestar Jr., Homezipan, Palm Palm, Specs, Star Bad.

Homestar Runner: The Movie is a work of fan fiction written by mulitple people. People like TwiceStyle have started to work on a script, but the most popular and well-written (although a tad too serious) incarnation of the movie is the following one written by MarzipanHomestr66 on his deviantART.

(This story also makes a good sequel to Pom Pom's Eleven.)

(Disclaimer: the following contains mild violence and language.)


{Start to Cheap as Free Films logo.}

{Start to Videlectrix Films logo. The Videlectrix Mascot jogs across the screen, tripping in the middle. He gives a "thumbs up" signal, as in "Population: Tire".}

{Cut to a bird's view of Free Country USA. The words "The Brothers Chaps Present" appear on the screen, then disappear after six seconds. The words "In Association with Videlectrix Films" also appear for six seconds. The words "A Mike Chapman Film" also appear for six seconds.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR, JR.: Who am I? Are you certain you wanna know? Well, first, here's this question: Are you different from your family in some ways? I am, and I'm rather used to it. Ever since the day I was born.

{Cut to Free Country USA hospital, outside a patient room. Homestar Runner is there (with balding brown hair), with Pom-Pom, Strong Bad, The Cheat and Homeschool Winner. Homestar looks nervous.}

STRONG BAD: Why are you so worried, Homestar? You're gonna be a father!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Stwong Bad, what if my baby or Mawzipan dies?

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Well, Homestar, some births don't go as planned.

POM-POM: {bubbling noises} (Don't be afraid, Homestar. He or she could be a terrific athlete like you are.)

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I actuawwy feew a wittle bettew.

{A crying sound is heard from the patient room. The Poopsmith walks in, dressed in nurse scrubs, with a mask over his face. He taps Homestar in the back.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: AH! {spins around} Nuwse Poopsmith? How's she dowing? Is the baby bown yet? Where can I get me a cool mask like that?

{The Poopsmith holds up a sign reading "It's a boy!"}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Just as I theorized. {excited} I'm an uncle!!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {impatiently} Lemme see lemme see lemme seeeeeeee!

{He pushes The Poopsmith aside and runs through the door. Strong Bad, Pom-Pom, The Cheat and Homeschool follow him. Cut to Marzipan, under the sheets on a bed, as Homestar walks up. She's holding a small boy, who resembles Homestar.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Mawzipan, Mawzipaaaaaaan! {very rapidly} How'we you doing? How's the baby doing? Is it doing okay? Does it need any wood-davews? I can get you wood-davews! I can get on the wood-davews train! C'mon, how awe you doing with the baby? Tell me evewything's okaaaaaay!

MARZIPAN: Settle down, Homestar. Everything's fine. Here, you wanna hold the baby yourself to see? Careful, don't drop him!

{Homestar nervously takes the bundle. Cut to behind the bundle, as Homestar, Strong Bad, Pom-Pom, The Cheat and Homeschool look into it. Homestar's eyes glow and he smiles widely.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Awwww! Isn't he adowable?!

{Cut to the baby. He resembles Homestar in every way, but his soles are red, and has a small patch of brown hair on his head.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Who should we name him?

{Cut to behind the bundle again.}

STRONG BAD: I was thinking about "Star Bad".

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Isn't that taken?

STRONG BAD: {sarcastically} Oh, thanks for reminding me.

POM-POM: {bubbling noises} (I was thinking Pom Star.)

THE CHEAT: {The Cheat noises} (That's too lame of a name! How about Cheat Star?)

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: I was thinking we should name it after his father.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Wet's caww him "Mini Me"! {He walks to Marzipan, Homestar Jr. in his arms.}

STRONG BAD: I think he means "Homestar Jr."

{Cut to Marzipan, with Homestar, Strong Bad, Pom-Pom, The Cheat, and Homeschool around her. The Cheat is on the bed, and Marzipan is holding Homestar Jr.}

MARZIPAN: He's so adorable...


MARZIPAN: I meant the baby.


{Cut to Strong Bad.}

STRONG BAD: I wanna know what is feels like to hold him.

MARZIPAN: Just be careful.

{Marzipan hands Strong Bad baby Homestar Jr. After a few seconds, Homestar Jr. kicks him for no reason.}

STRONG BAD: OW! {places Homestar Jr. on the bed} He did it on purpose!! Get him to say sorry to me!

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Strong Bad, he was just born. You know he can't talk yet.

{Cut to baby Homestar Jr. and The Cheat on the bed. The Cheat is questioning Homestar Jr. in his language. Baby Homestar Jr. hugs and pets him. The Cheat feels a warm feeling, and smiles.}

{Cut to Pom-Pom.}

POM-POM: {bubbling noises} (Where's the baby?)

{Baby Homestar Jr.'s legs stick from between Pom-Pom's feet, and he lands on the floor.}

POM-POM: {bubbling noises} (So that's where he went to.)

{Baby Homestar Jr. crawls on the floor to Homestar. He kicks at his foot, gesturing he wants to be held.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Awww! He wants to be held! {bends over to pick him up}

{Cut the front door of Marzipan's house (interior). Homestar and Marzipan enter, with baby Homestar Jr. in their arms.}

MARZIPAN: Isn't it nice, Homestar? A child to our own.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I'm gwad I came up with the name.

{Cut to a bedroom. Homestar, Marzipan and baby Homestar Jr. enter. Marzipan places baby Homestar Jr. in a crib.}

MARZIPAN: This is your new crib. We hope you like it.

{Cut to baby Homestar Jr. looking curiously around the crib.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Awww! He's wooking at me!

MARZIPAN: He's got something else in mind, I think.

{Cut to Marzipan putting a blanket on Homestar Jr., who's head is resting on the pillow.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Awwww! Good night, my new-bown pwide and joy! {kisses him}

MARZIPAN: {kisses her son} Good night... Homestar Runner, Junior.

{They exit the room, and turn off the lights. Homestar Jr. is fast asleep in his crib.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR, JR.: When I was asleep, I dreamt of my future, on what would occur to me. Eleven years later, I would be always ready for anything! My name... is Homestar Runner, Junior!

{The theme song starts with The Very Low Sodium Band's "Homestar Runner Tribute" playing. The words "Homestar Runner" appear on the screen as the children sing.}

CHILDREN: Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! {A star elongates itself into a star-shaped tunnel, alternating in red, white and blue, as seen in the intro.}

THE VERY LOW SODIUM BAND: {C I don't want your wimpy mouse {A mouse in a mouse hole} {C I don't want your lame bunny {A bunny in a rabbit hole} {C I want my armless white dude {Homestar running in the field} {C 'Cause I think he's pretty funny {Homestar's duck shirt appears on him}

Keep away your spitting cat {A cat chasing the mouse} {C Keep away your stupid duck {Homestar wearing his duck shirt in the field} {C Give me my Homestar Runner {Homestar's star shirt appears on him} {C 'Cause it is on him I'm stuck

At the end of my hard day {Strong Bad and Homestar at the office, wearing polo shirts, as shown in Other Days} {C Homestar takes my pain away {Homestar and Bubs dancing at the Concession Stand, as shown in Lookin at a Thing in a Bag} {C It could heal my broken heart {Homestar and Pom-Pom exercising, as seen in Strongest Man in the World} {C Just to watch this work of art {Homestar and Pom-Pom at Marshmallow's Last Stand, as shown in the toon, but with modern animation, and Homestar wears his hat} {C Homestar Runner, I don't know what I'd do without you! {Homestar stands in front of a blue background with light blue stripes emanating from the center, as shown in the intro.}

CHILDREN: Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! {same star pattern as before}

THE VERY LOW SODIUM BAND: {C Strong Bad is a Mexican wrestler {Strong Bad checking email on the Lappy 486} {C Marzipan is Homestar's girlfriend {Marzipan and Homestar's wedding} {C The Cheat and Strong Mad can't say Douglas {Strong Mad and The Cheat with Strong Bad, as seen in Little Animal, only the Tandy is replaced with the Lappy, and animated in new style} {C And Pom-Pom bubbles to no end {Pom-Pom and The Poopsmith from Keep Cool}

Strong Sad sadly rambles on {Strong Sad and Homsar playing Connect Four, as seen in Where's The Cheat?} {C Coach Z can't say job to save his life {Bubs and Coach Z from Winter Pool} {C Your business is the Poopsmith's business {The Poopsmith presenting a pile of whatsit to the King of Town, as shown in the Theme Song Video, only drawn in new style} {C The King of Town has no wife {Strong Bad beating up the King of Town, as seen in Rampage}

At the end of my hard day {Strong Bad holding crates, as seen in Place ya bets!} {C Homestar takes my pain away {Homestar and Strong Sad on icebergs, as seen in Best Caper Ever} {C It could heal my broken heart {Strong Bad and Homestar from Sick Day} {C Just to watch this work of art {Homestar from Fluffy Puff Commercial, drawn in new style} {C Homestar Runner, I don't know what I'd do without you! {Homestar running around the Earth, as shown in Theme Song Video, only drawn in new style}

CHILDREN: Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! {same star pattern as before}

THE VERY LOW SODIUM BAND: {C Home... star! Run! Run! {Homestar running in the field, as shown in Bug in Mouth Disease, only he doesn't say anything} {C Home... star! Run! Run!

CHILDREN: Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! Everybody! Everybody...

{As the music fades out, the words "Original Characters by The Brothers Chaps" and "Voices by The Brothers Chaps and Missy Palmer" appear against a red background with a white star in blue letters.}

{Fade to black.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR, JR.: Of course, I was born special to my parents, and as I got older, I have to admit they were right.

{Cut to a one-year-old Homestar Jr. walking in Marzipan's living room, Marzipan on the couch reading Scarfgirl, and he falls over.}


MARZIPAN: Someone fell over! {Stands up and helps Baby Homestar Jr. back on his feet.}

BABY HOMESTAR JR.: Momma. {walks off}

{Cut to Marzipan, under the sheets on a bed again, holding baby Homezipan in her arms. Homezipan resembles Homestar with her mom's hair. Homestar is holding Homestar Jr., and sets him down on the bed.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR, JR.: When I was two, I had my very first sister, Homezipan.

MARZIPAN: This is your baby sister, Homestar Jr.


BABY HOMEZIPAN: {coos and giggles}

{Cut to the living room with Marzipan and a three-year-old Homestar Jr. on the couch, Marzipan reading.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: When I was three next year, mother taught me how to read.

MARZIPAN: The cat says...

THREE-YEAR-OLD HOMESTAR JR.: {squinting} Me... ow...


{Homestar walks by carrying baby Homezipan.}

HOMESTAR: Aww, who's daddy's wittle gul?


{Cut to three-year-old Homestar Jr. looking a little sad.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: For some reason, father seemed to love Homezipan more than me, even though I was like him in many ways.

{Cut to a six-year-old Homestar Jr. in a classroom. Next to him is Palm-Palm, who is a smaller Pom-Pom, only with a white body.}

LITTLE HOMESTAR JR.: Hello, I'm Homestar Jr.


NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Yes, since that little moment, Palm-Palm and I were best friends like our fathers are.

{Cut to a Pee-Wee hockey field. Homestar Jr. is wearing hockey gear, on The Even Stevens and winning against the opposite team, Little Stevie and the Evens.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: For a while, I was a fan of hockey, until I turned seven.

ANNOUNCER: Little Homestar Jr. is coming on past, he hits, HE SCORES!!

{Cut to the audience cheering, consisting of Homestar, Marzipan, Pom-Pom, Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Strong Sad, Coach Z, Bubs, The Poopsmith, Homsar, Homeschool, and new characters Strong Glad, Homstand Singer, Miley Homey, Baddette and Rosemary.}

ANNOUNCER: A narrow win by 2 to 1, ladies and gentlemen!

COACH Z: Yah, Hamstray Junior!

ROSEMARY: Yeah, nice narrow winning!

HOMESCHOOL: That's my nephew!

MILEY HOMEY: Rock on, second cousin!

STRONG BAD: I think he's a show-off.

BADDETTE: Yeah, and see our son Star Bad upset for his loss!

{Cuts to Star Bad, looking upset at his loss. Cut back to the audience.}

STRONG SAD: You don't know how well Homestar Jr.-

{Strong Sad is cut off by Baddette punching him in the face.}


{Cut to Marzipan under the sheets on a bed again, holding two babies. One resembles Marzipan with her dad's brown hair, and the other Homestar and Marzipan put together. Homezipan is now six years old, Homestar Jr. is eight, and Homestar is with them.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: When I was eight, there was not one new sister for me and Homezipan, but two!

8-YEAR-OLD HOMESTAR JR.: We'll name the hybrid Marzistar, and the one looking like you after you, mom.

MARZIPAN: Marzistar and Marzipan Jr. are perfect names for them.

{Cut to Homestar Jr. today, eleven years old, in his bedroom basement.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Oh, did I forget to mention I sleep in the basement? I had it since I turned nine, and I sleep here just to bug Homezipan about it.

{Cut to Marzipan on the couch reading a magazine, Homezipan (now age nine) complaining to her.}

HOMEZIPAN: Come on, mom! I want a room like my brother!

MARZIPAN: Homezipan, I told you, it's too expensive.

HOMEZIPAN: {grumbles to herself}

{Cut to Homestar Jr. on the athletic field. He is running on the track, and with him on the track are Palm-Palm and Star Bad, with new characters Violet Blue, Jack-Jack and Know-it-Ally with the audience sitting on the benches.}

STRONG BAD: He's still a show-off.

BADDETTE: He's never amount to anything.

MILEY HOMEY: Oh, you're only jealous because Star Bad is nothing like him!

BADDETTE: Who asked for your own opinion?!

MILEY HOMEY: Well, no one!

{Cut to Homezipan sitting with Violet Blue, Jack-Jack and Know-it-Ally.}

VIOLET BLUE: How does your brother manage to be like his dad?

HOMEZIPAN: I think he stole it from daddy.

KNOW-IT-ALLY: He looks so handsome though...

JACK-JACK: You think he's handsome? He doesn't even like my jokes!

VIOLET BLUE: Think it's cause you and Homezipan are annoying to him.

HOMEZIPAN and JACK-JACK: We are not!

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR: Oh, yeah. Those girls are Violet Blue, Jack-Jack and Know-it-Ally. Violet Blue - or just simply Violet - is one of my classmates, and easily the fairest violet flower maiden full of beauty. Jack-Jack is the class clown with Homezipan, and has this habit of throwing pies at me. Know-it-Ally - or Ally for short - is the brainiac and all knowing intelligent gal with a brain cap, and a crush on me for a reason I don't know of.

{Cut to Homestar Jr. asleep in bed in an August morning.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: I remember the first big adventure I went on. It started like an ordinary day - at morning.

HOMESTAR JR.: {snoring and mumbling} Stupid... freakin... monkeys!

{Cut to the door. Homezipan opens it and giggles. Cut back to Homestar Jr., who snores on undisturbed. Cuts to full shot of his bed. Homezipan walks in.}

HOMEZIPAN: Hey! Wake up!

HOMESTAR JR.: {groans} Go away...

HOMEZIPAN: {scowls} Humph! I know! {jumps onto bed in midair} CANNONBALL!!!!

{Homezipan lands on Homestar Jr., who wakes up instantly.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {screams, then gaps} Ugh! Homezipan! Why do you keep doing that?!

HOMEZIPAN: {innocently} Just to bug the crap out of you.

HOMESTAR JR.: {growls} It's 6:00 in the morning! You just bug us every morning it's a school day! Why is that?!? Also, every school day morning, I'm tired but you never are!

HOMEZIPAN: I always get a good night's rest!

HOMESTAR JR.: Yeah, by good night's rest, you mean you snore loudly that mother and father stay up late for an hour or two and the babies cry!

{Cuts to a night scene of Marzipan and Homestar trying to sleep in bed. The sounds of two baby girls crying is heard, as well as Homezipan's snoring.}

MARZIPAN: Homestar! Tone down the snoring!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Ummm... I'm not!

MARZIPAN: If you're not, then who?

{Cuts to Marzistar and Marzipan Jr. crying in their crib from the loud snoring. After eight seconds, we cut back to Homestar Jr. and Homezipan.}

HOMEZIPAN: Whatever, dork boy.

HOMESTAR JR.: That's Homestar Jr., thank you very much!

HOMEZIPAN: You're a dork!

HOMESTAR JR.: {frustrated groan} Don't make me fight you! I can get real mean when I want to! And I'm relaxed most of the time, taking a lot to rile me, but you drive me crazy and don't shut up! How shallow are you?!?

{Cuts to Marzipan's kitchen. Marzipan is reading the paper, Homestar has his plate of bacon and eggs on his head, Marzistar and Marzipan Jr. are on baby seats.}

MARZISTAR: Mommy, what are doing today?

MARZIPAN: Daddy and I are going on business trip, right Homestar?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What, Marzipan? What?

MARZIPAN: Uhhh... yeah...

{Homestar Jr. and Homezipan enter, Homestar Jr. looking irritated slightly, and Homezipan happy.}

MARZIPAN: Let me guess, Homezipan pounced on you again? Homezipan, when will you learn?


MARZIPAN: {sighs} Homezipan, you remind me of your father when he was your age, he was clueless too, and by now still is. {Homestar looks hurt} However, you need to shape up, or else not learn at all.

HOMESTAR JR.: {mutters} Every time you say that, she gets worse each day.

MARZIPAN: What was that?

HOMESTAR JR.: Nothing.

MARZIPAN: Anyway, I heard a new student was coming, correct?

HOMEZIPAN: Who is he or she?

HOMESTAR JR.: If you attended meetings, you'd know. From what I heard, it's a girl.

HOMEZIPAN: {shocked} GIRL?!?

HOMESTAR JR.: What's wrong with that?

HOMEZIPAN: Most new students are girls! I hope for a new boy student, one I can fall in love with!

MARZIPAN: Homezipan, you're probably too young to be in love. {Homezipan scowls} And Homestar Jr., you're gonna be thirteen soon, and you're just about old enough to be in love.

HOMEZIPAN: Why does he fall in love first?!? I've turned eleven two months ago, so I should fall in love first, while my brother here coulda fallen for Know-it-Ally! {laughs}

HOMESTAR JR.: {angry} Homezipan! I told you a thousand times, I like her as a friend! You know it!

{Cut to wide shot of the family. Palm-Palm crashes in through the window on springs screaming, and gets stuck on the ceiling.}

PALM-PALM: {groan} Good morning, Mrs. Runner.

MARZIPAN: {in surprise} Um, hi, Palm-Palm.

PALM-PALM: Uh, little help?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, wow, a balloon! {jumps and grabs Palm-Palm, who falls to the ground}

PALM-PALM: {groan} Thanks. I needed that.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {disappointed} Aww, it's not floating!

HOMESTAR JR.: Hey, Palm-Palm. My parents are going on a business trip.

PALM-PALM: That's cool! My dad's going on one too! It's the same as your parents'.

HOMESTAR JR.: How unusual! {looks at Palm-Palm's feet} I should probably redesign your springy boots. They've been out of control lately.

MARZIPAN: Oh, right! Our flight leaves at six PM, and we'll be there when you get home, with early dinner. Homeschool will look after you five for three weeks.

PALM-PALM: Five? I thought you had four kids, Mrs. Runner.

MARZIPAN: {chuckles} No, no, no. I meant you'll be looked after too, Palm-Palm.

PALM-PALM: Oh, right. Sorry.

HOMESTAR JR.: Palm-Palm! You did remember to call Ally and Violet yesterday, did you?

PALM-PALM: Oh yeah, I forgot.

{Both Palm-Palm and Homestar Jr. laugh.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Palm-Palm and I are both at the age of twelve, going to Free Country USA Academy. We've been best friends since we were young and foolish, and also next door neighbors.

{Cuts to Homezipan and Homestar Jr. biking and Palm-Palm bouncing to Free Country USA Academy. All three have backpacks around their shoulders.}

HOMEZIPAN: Why can't we ride the bus?

HOMESTAR JR.: I dunno, I've told you! How often do you forget?!

HOMEZIPAN: Every day! {laughs as Homestar Jr. groans}


{They are now almost at the Academy, when Homestar Jr. comes across a terrible sight of Star Bad bullying a girl. The girl is twelve years old, with a yellow dress with white collar, sleeve ends and dress end, brown hair with yellow braids, large glasses and red shoes.}

GIRL: Leave me alone, you bully!

STAR BAD: Not a chance, you dorky girly! {laughs}

PALM-PALM: {lowers eyebrows} Same old Star Bad! Will he ever stop?

HOMESTAR JR.: Um, Homezipan, you and Palm-Palm wait here. {leaves to deal with the situation, and confronts Star Bad} Hey! Leave this poor innocent girl alone!

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: I had seen many times before I was a seventh grader Star Bad pick on a new comer, and Palm-Palm and I always stood up to him.

STAR BAD: Aw, you two again! The blue twerp and fat orange head blob!

GIRL: {feebly} Help me...

PALM-PALM: Oh yeah?! Guy who's dad tried to pop my dad?!

HOMESTAR JR.: That's not necessary, Palm-Palm. Drop her or else I'll report you!

STAR BAD: Fine! Loser! {sticks out tongue and enters the building}

HOMESTAR JR.: Are you all right, miss?

GIRL: {picking up books and bag} Err... Yes, I'm fine... {Homestar Jr. helps} Thanks.

HOMESTAR JR.: Don't mention it. You must be the new student.

GIRL: Yes, I am. I'm starting today, but I'm sure about joining up, as some boys in my old school bullied and picked on me for not being like other girls.

HOMESTAR JR.: Well, most boys here are friendly, always, well not always, willing to meet a new student.

GIRL: {smiles} I suppose you're right. Since you saved my life.

{She hugs Homestar Jr. as thanks, then lets go. Homestar Jr. turns to see Homezipan trying not to laugh.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Don't say it. Or I-

HOMEZIPAN: {sing-song voice} You're in love with the new girl! {laughs hysterically, the girl blushes sheepishly}

HOMESTAR JR.: {groans}

{Later, the four are in the hallways of Free Country USA Academy. Palm-Palm is struggling with his locker.}


HOMESTAR JR.: {groans} You always get the twisted ones.

{Palm-Palm opens his locker, and yells as he lands in Coach Z's recycling bin.}

COACH Z: {angrily} Palm-Palm! What is the meaning of this?

PALM-PALM: It's not- {pops himself out} -my fault I get the broken locker each year! Ugh... {bounces back to his locker and Coach Z wheels on}

SPECS: Does this happen to you, Palm-Palm?

PALM-PALM: Oh yeah, Miss... er...

SPECS: I hadn't introduced myself, did I, Homestar Jr.? I'm Specs. {Romantic music starts playing in the background.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {very hesitantly} That's a... cute... name...

SPECS: {giggles bashfully} Well, I'm called that because I wear these huge glasses. Every other girl shuns me for not having a normal name.

HOMESTAR JR.: No, it does sound appropriate, and it's sweet.

SPECS: I like your hat. Propeller hats are adorable.

HOMESTAR JR.: {laughs bashfully, blushes red} Oh...

{Know-it-Ally, Violet Blue and Jack-Jack walk in to their respective lockers. Girl music starts playing in the background.}

KNOW-IT-ALLY: Who's the new girl?

SPECS: I'm Specs, who are you?

KNOW-IT-ALLY: Know-it-Ally, Ally for short, and those are Violet Blue and Jack-Jack. That latter's a clown.

JACK-JACK: I'm not a clown!

VIOLET BLUE: Why'd you throw those bunch of pies at me and Ally with Homezipan the other day?

HOMEZIPAN: I remember that! {smiles}

HOMESTAR JR.: {to Specs} Don't mind her. Homezipan's got no idea what she's talking about.

HOMEZIPAN: I remember the time he accidentally drove his bike into a ditch, and it took two weeks for repairs! {laughs loudly while Homestar Jr. glares}

HOMESTAR JR.: Don't you laugh at me!

VIOLET BLUE: He doesn't need to be reminded of that. {to Homestar Jr.} Don't worry. She needs to learn her lesson soon.

PALM-PALM: Dude, it's a surprise almost all of us are here at the same exact time.

HOMESTAR JR.: {walking off} Well, we better get to class- {falls over forward} WHOA!!! {lands in a puddle} Aw, man! That's just great!

{Cuts to Star Bad with three of his gang members. Rock music starts playing in the background.}

STAR BAD: {laughs rudely} That's what you get for ruining my enjoyment earlier!

KNOW-IT-ALLY: I knew it. It would be you, Star Bad, you bully!

SPECS: He's who bullied me earlier before Homestar Jr. helped me?

STAR BAD: You know it! {laughs} Hey, girls! Wanna watch me flex? {does the double deuce and strains}

JACK-JACK: The fatty kid's gonna blow!

{A record scratch is heard.}

STAR BAD: Ohhhh! Did that twerp just call me fatty?!


HOMEZIPAN: Yeah! You went so far, Star Bad! We should call you Fatty McFatty Bad! Cause you're a fatty! {laughs}

STAR BAD'S GANG MEMBER 1: He's not fat, he's big-boned, hippie!

STAR BAD'S GANG MEMBER 2: Is that the girl boss tried to rape earlier?

{Specs looks offended; Homestar Jr. maintains ground.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Oi! You four beat it, or else I'll report you to the principal!

STAR BAD: Come on, you three! Let's leave these dorks!

{Star Bad and his gang members leave laughing cruelly.}

KNOW-IT-ALLY: What idiots.

HOMEZIPAN: And they say I'm crazy!

HOMESTAR JR.: You are crazy!

SPECS: Wow... my first day and already I've met with a brainiac, a sensitive girl, two girl jokers, a male weirdo, four male jerks, but one kind and caring person.

HOMEZIPAN: That's my brother! {laughs}

HOMESTAR JR.: {looks away} Oh god...

SPECS: Is she always this annoying?

PALM-PALM: It's worse when she uses an airhorn!

HOMEZIPAN: {blows airhorn in Know-it-Ally's face, shattering her glasses and blowing away her brain cap}


HOMEZIPAN: {laughs}

KNOW-IT-ALLY: {sniffles} Why would you do that to me?!?

HOMEZIPAN: Specs did it!

SPECS: I did not! I saw you!

HOMEZIPAN: Guess what!?


HOMEZIPAN: {blares airhorn}


HOMEZIPAN: {laughs}

HOMESTAR JR.: Oh my god, Homezipan! You're so irritating! {growls and storms off} I'm so outta here...

SPECS: I am really beginning to have second doubts about being here...

{Cuts to a classroom. Specs, Homestar Jr., Palm-Palm and Violet Blue are in the front row; Star Bad, Know-it-Ally, Jack-Jack in the second row with another male student. The teacher, Rosemary, comes in with the principal, Derek Crawford.}

ROSEMARY: Good morning students.

STUDENT: Good morning, Ms. Rosemary.

ROSEMARY: Today, we have a new student in our class. {reads a clipboard} Ms. Specs?

SPECS: Yes, Ms. Rosemary?

ROSEMARY: Will you introduce yourself to the class?

SPECS: {standing up to the Geddup Noise} Yes ma'am.

{She walks to the front of the room, and faces the class.}

SPECS: {hesitant} M-my name is S-Specs. I-I'm a very hard working s-student, w-willing to help others if-if plausible, and I'll do my b-best if I c-can.

{Small applause, Specs feels a little shy.}

ROSEMARY: Um, thank you, Specs. Mr. Crawford, would Homestar Jr. and Specs see you outside the class for a moment or two?

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Yes, of course, Ms. Rosemary.

{Homestar Jr. stands up to the Geddup Noise and follows Mr. Crawford and Specs outside the class. Mr. Crawford closes the door. Cuts to outside the classroom. The door on the glass reads "MS. ROSEMARY" and "ROOM 11".}

HOMESTAR JR.: Sir, why are we outside?

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Homestar Jr., you and I both know you're a top rated student.

HOMESTAR JR.: {nods}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: And you may not know something else...


PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: You've met Specs, and she is my granddaughter.

HOMESTAR JR.: {surprised} Granddaughter?

SPECS: I never knew my daddy, and mommy died when I was a baby. I've only one surviving member of my family other than myself... {indicates Mr. Crawford} him. I don't know what happened to Monocle.

HOMESTAR JR.: Who is she?

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Her sister. Anyway- Where was I? Oh yeah. Specs is almost a teenager now, and needs to be a fully independent woman. And you... are to help her.

HOMESTAR JR.: Um, how?

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Well, she can't afford a home, and you are the only one to turn to.

HOMESTAR JR.: {unsure} Um, okay. She can stay with me as long as my parents and sisters agree to this idea.

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: {smiles} Settled then. I knew I could rely on you.

{Homestar Jr. smiles too, but notices Specs frowning a little.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: And so I had a big responsibility, looking after the principal's daughter.

{Homestar Jr. and Specs re-enter the classroom. Mr. Crawford smiles kindly, but as he walks away to his office, his kind smile curls to an ugly snarl.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: {growls and mutters to himself} Stupid gullible kid... {spits into trashcan} He doesn't know Specs is the one responsible for my daughter's death, her mother! But I'll get revenge sooner... {chuckles evilly}

{Record scratch as he runs into Coach Z's cart}

COACH Z: Sorry, Mr. Crahford! My bad!

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Not your fault, Coach Z. {moves on and Coach Z goes in opposite direction of Mr. Crawford} Stupid green guy...

{He enters his office and shuts the door, which reads "PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD". Cuts to the lunchroom, and there Specs is reading a book instead of eating. Homestar Jr. walks by with a tray and notices her.}


SPECS: {looks up} Oh, hi.

HOMESTAR JR.: Why aren't you eating?

SPECS: I'm just not hungry for some reason.

HOMESTAR JR.: Is it because of being away from your grandfather?


HOMESTAR JR.: Living with me won't be so bad!

SPECS: It won't?

HOMESTAR JR.: No, but a few downsides, like naughty Homezipan.

HOMEZIPAN: {off-screen} I heard that!

SPECS: I feel your pain. I've been berated by her for about all morning!

HOMESTAR JR.: She's like this almost every day, even close to Decemberween!


HOMESTAR JR.: She get so excited non-stop it annoys me!

SPECS: {grimaces} Oooh!

{Star Bad shows up to rock music in the background.}

STAR BAD: Hey, dorks!

HOMESTAR JR.: Oh, not again...

SPECS: Can you see we're talking?

STAR BAD: Whatever, four eyes!

SPECS: {scoffs in indignation} You are an idiot!

HOMESTAR JR.: Leave her alone, you bully!

STAR BAD: Fine. {slaps tray from Homestar Jr., landing on Specs} Have a good lunch! {laughs as he leaves; rock music fades out}

HOMESTAR JR.: Great... I can go without lunch, I suppose.

SPECS: Ugh... {removes food from her into a trashcan} That Star Bad... {mumbles}

HOMESTAR JR.: You should hear him in winter! He complains about the weather non-stop!

SPECS: Oh, boy... I don't know what to say now...

{Cut to outside of Marzipan's house. There are boxes of Specs' stuff, and Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom are getting ready to leave. Homeschool is with them. Homestar Jr., Palm-Palm, Homezipan and Specs arrive at the scene.}

MARZISTAR: Hi, big brother.

MARZIPAN JR.: We're glad you're home!

HOMESTAR JR.: Specs, this is Marzistar and Marzipan Jr., my youngest sisters. Aren't they adorable?

SPECS: You two are really cute.


HOMEZIPAN: Aw, man! A lot of work!

{Cuts to Pom-Pom, Marzipan and Homeschool. There is Homeschool's old faulty car.}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Come on, you old girl!

{Car sputters and doesn't start.}

MARZIPAN: Can you replace this old car?

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: No way! It belonged to my father! Your brother-in-law!

{Homestar walks in}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {in agony} OH NO! We missed our business trip!

{Homestar Jr. walks in}

HOMESTAR JR.: I have a solution!

POM-POM: {bubbling} (How? What is your idea?)

{Cuts to Homeschool and Homestar Jr. pushing the car into the garage. There is a lot of gadgetry in there.}

MARZIPAN: Now what?

HOMESTAR JR.: {presses a button} This!

{Within two minutes, the car is restored: The tires are pumped up to perfection, it gets a new coat of yellow paint with white lining, everything squeaky is oiled, the seats are made more comfortable, the gas tank filled, and all dents removed. The headlights flash.}

SPECS: WOW! That was awesome! You're an amazing kid, Homestar Jr.

HOMESTAR JR.: Thank you. Mother, father, uncle Homeschool, Pom-Pom, this is Specs. I met her today.

SPECS: {shyly} Hello.

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: A little shy, isn't she?

SPECS: {giggles nervously}

MARZIPAN: Nothing to be ashamed of. We got quirks, right?


{Soon, Homeschool and Pom-Pom are in the front seats, Homestar and Marzipan at the rear seats, and the suitcases in the trunk.}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Well, my nephew, you made my car brand new in two minutes thanks to your latest invention.

HOMESTAR JR.: No problem. Took me three months to work on it.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Oh, man, that was wicked!

MARZIPAN: You be good while we're gone. That means you, Homezipan!

HOMEZIPAN: {frowns} Yes, mom.

{The car drives away and we cut to inside Marzipan's kitchen. Homestar Jr. is about to prepare dinner, when he sees Specs unhappy, crying in her hands.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Um... are you all right?

SPECS: {sobbing} No! My life is in ruins, I may never have a family again!

{Homestar Jr. sighs unhappily.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Yeah, I knew all too well what it's like being away from family and home, when I was ten years old lost in a dark forest and needed to find my way home.

HOMESTAR JR.: Why won't you have a family again?

SPECS: {sobbing} I lost Monocle when I was only a baby, and last I saw of her when she was sent to an orphanage! My grandpa isn't what you think!

HOMESTAR JR.: He's not?

SPECS: No! {sobbing} He's a cruel heartless man who blamed me for my mom's death! I never said goodbye to her because I was just a helpless infant!

HOMESTAR JR.: Oh, boy... I'm sorry to hear that.

SPECS: {looking up showing a tear soaked face, tears flowing faster, then hugs Homestar Jr.; sobbing} It's not fair! I don't wanna be an orphan!

HOMESTAR JR.: You'll find your sister again someday.

SPECS: How do you know?

HOMESTAR JR.: I just do. I can't explain it. What does she look like?

SPECS: She has a monocle, hence her name, brown clothes and blond hair. It's all I remember.

HOMESTAR JR.: I won't let you get hurt very seriously, I'd take the injury for you.

SPECS: {smiling sadly} Th-thank you...

{Cuts to Homeschool's car arriving at the airport. Homestar, Pom-Pom and Marzipan get out of the car, holding suitcases.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Thanks for the carjack.

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: It's lift, Homestar.

MARZIPAN: Our flight leaves in twenty minutes!

POM-POM: {bubbling} (Let's get our tickets, then!)

{The trio arrive at a ticket counter, get tickets and board a jet plane. The plane takes off into the sky, and Homeschool, watching, drives away to home. Cuts to Homestar Jr. with Marzistar and Marzipan Jr. in their bedroom.}

MARZISTAR: Tell us the story mommy tells us!

MARZIPAN JR.: We love hearing about the magic lady, Helen Angelica.

HOMESTAR JR.: All right then. {sits on a chair and begins}

{Cuts to an angel girl with a harp.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Once, a special gift arrived at Free Country USA in the 19th century. Her name was Helen Angelica.

{Cut to Helen with a crowd of people}

She could grant wishes and make what is impossible happen. She lived in peace...

{Cut to Helen confronting an evil person, a different one from Mr. Crawford}

...but one day in the early 1920's, a dangerous hunter tried to destroy her, but with her powers...

{Cut to Helen and the evil person in peace}

...the hunter changed from evil to good. The two were married with two children until the fateful day in the late 1950's...

{Cut to Helen gone in a deep, dark forest}

...Helen disappeared completely like magic. Legend is that she vanished in the forest and if someone finds her in a situation...

{Cuts back to reality.}

HOMESTAR JR.: ...she will help you resolve your situation.

{He sees Marzistar and Marzipan Jr. have fallen asleep.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Good night, my little sisters.

{He kisses them and closes the door quietly. Cuts to the living room, Specs asleep on the couch with a blanket in blue and a red stuffed cat toy, hugged tightly. Homestar Jr. enters.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {quietly} Um, Specs?

SPECS: {stirs} Mmm?

HOMESTAR JR.: What's your cat's name?

SPECS: Fifi. She provides me comfort when I'm sad at night.

HOMESTAR JR.: That's very sweet.

SPECS: Thanks.

{Homestar Jr. pulls open a door, leading to his room.}

HOMESTAR JR.: This is where I sleep. It doubles as my laboratory.

SPECS: I'd love to see more about it later. {falls asleep again}

HOMESTAR JR.: {smiles} Good night. I'll see you in the morning.

{He walks into his room, and falls on his bed, tired of today's events. Palm-Palm is asleep in a sleeping bag.}

PALM-PALM: I never slept in your lab before, this'll be awesome, man!


PALM-PALM: You okay?

HOMESTAR JR.: Oh yeah. A little sad about Specs though.

PALM-PALM: What's wrong?

HOMESTAR JR.: Her grandfather, Mr. Crawford, is a heartless man who thinks it's Specs' fault her own mother died.

PALM-PALM: That's sad. I hope we can cheer her up.

HOMESTAR JR.: Yeah. Night, buddy.

PALM-PALM: Night man.

{Both are fast asleep. Homestar Jr. wakes up, thinking.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: That evening, I was thinking of Specs and her sadness. I thought over the days events... {each flashback happens as Homestar Jr. mentions them} when we met, discovery of my principal being her grandfather, my parents on a business trip, and her telling the truth of her family. {Cut back to present day} I vowed deep in my heart I would never let anything hurt her. I thought of my future, imagining Specs being my wife, Mrs. Runner.

HOMESTAR JR.: Don't you worry at all, Specs... I will always protect you... I promise... {falls asleep again}

{Cuts to Homeschool driving home in his old car, now restored to perfect order.}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: {sighs} 9:00 at night. I better make it home safely before midnight. The kids will be worried about me!

{He takes a shortcut through the forest, then finds a figure in the distance (Mr. Crawford) and stops the car.}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: {gets out of the car} This fella might be lost. I better-

{He sees the figure has vanished}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: What the? Where did he or she go?

{From his point of view, he looks around and sees no one, but turns to find the dark figure behind him. Cuts to a close up of Homeschool's head.}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Oh, my God... Who are you?!?

{From his point of view, the dark figure produces a sharp knife, resembling the Big Knife. Cuts back to Homeschool cowering in fear.}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: No. No! No, no, no, no, no!!! {pulls out a metal rod for defense} HELP ME!!!!

{He is about to whack the person on the head, but the rod gets cut to two, the upper half smashing the windshield.}

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: {looking at his rod} Huh? Please don't kill me!!!

DARK FIGURE: {chuckles} Kill you?

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: {gasps; in squealing voice} Mr. Crawford?

{The dark figure reveals himself to be Mr. Crawford, he chuckles evilly.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: I had a feeling you'd come here tonight, Homeschool Winner.


PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: You know my granddaughter Specs?

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Yes. Just barely got to know her.

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Well, if you must know... {scowls angrily} A few days after she was born twelve years ago, my daughter, her mother, died from a disease!!!

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: {gasps} But-but from what my nephew says, it wasn't her fault! Why would you blame Specs for her mother's death?

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Because her mother was my daughter, and Oriana was my only child!

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Well, you might have had another child-

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: NO! Oriana was the only child I ever wanted! And all because of Specs, she's dead for twelve years!

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: What was Oriana's death cause?

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: I don't know... {raises knife, dramatic music} BUT I'LL KILL YOU NOW!!!


{Mr. Crawford slashes his knife at Homeschool's stomach, scratches his face, stabs his leg, and finally stabs his chest, close to his heart. All this time, Homeschool screams in agony. Blood splatters onto the car and Mr. Crawford's shirt.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: {puts away knife; gives sinister laugh} He never knew it coming for him... {dramatic music deepens} And that Specs will never know what will strike her when she and that Homestar Jr. die, completing my plan! {camera focuses on his face} And it's time to get rid of them like what I did to her mother Oriana twelve years ago; and they'll never know until before I KILL THEM!

{He laughs manically and thunder crashes. He turns to the car and music stops.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Nice car. Needs something, though...

{He takes his knife and scratches the initials "D.C." on the door, then gets in the car, leaving Homeschool's body alone.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: I must dispose this car to the junkyards! {laughs as he drives off}

{Unknown to him, a girl dressed in brown with blond hair, a monocle and red shoes had seen everything. She looks about fourteen. She looks at Homeschool's body in dismay.}

MYSTERIOUS GIRL: {in a voice like Specs, only slightly deeper} Oh, the poor man! He might die!

{She puts on a hood, lifts up Homeschool and carries him off in the forest. Cuts to the hospital entrance. The girl arrives with Homeschool, stained in blood, and arrives at the counter.}

NURSE: Oh, my goodness! What happened?

MYSTERIOUS GIRL: This poor man was stabbed last night by an evil person going by Crawford, and he might die if he doesn't make it!

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: {groans slightly}

NURSE: Thank you for finding this person. {takes Homeschool from the girl} This man is Homeschool Winner, brother of Homestar Runner.

MYSTERIOUS GIRL: Homestar Runner?

{Before she gets an answer, the nurse has left, and is telling doctors to help Homeschool and save his life. The girl exits. Cuts to her walking in the night of Free Country USA, her hood on. It begins to rain and thunder claps.}

MYSTERIOUS GIRL: This rain... I hope I don't get ill and die. That would suck so much...

{Cuts to a small stone house in the forest. The girl arrives in the house and enters. Cut to the interior, the girl with a small supply of canned food, a frying pan, and a sleeping bag. She looks at a picture with her and Specs as little kids.}

MYSTERIOUS GIRL: {sighs sadly} Oh, Specs... If only we saw each other again... {she falls asleep to gentle music}

{Cuts to Homestar Jr., who wakes up with a start in the morning at 5:59. He gasps and looks around him in horror, and sees he's still here.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Ugh... what a nightmare... Oh boy...

{Cuts to a montage of him showering (pixelation!) dressing up, combing hair, brushing teeth and putting his trademark hat on. Cuts to him, Homezipan, Marzistar, Marzipan Jr., Specs and Palm-Palm in the kitchen at the table.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Specs, I forgot to ask, what was your mother's name?

SPECS: Oriana.

HOMEZIPAN: That's a funny name! {laughs}

HOMESTAR JR.: {angry} Shut it, Homezipan!

SPECS: {angry} Yeah, shut up! {sadly} Her name is of Latin origin, and the meaning of Oriana is "sunrise".

HOMEZIPAN: Could she rise from the dead in the sun? {laughs}

SPECS: {angry growls} You're not funny!

HOMEZIPAN: I'm only being silly! {laughs}

SPECS: Ugh-!!! You little... {trails off}

PALM-PALM: Let's turn on the TV.

HOMESTAR JR.: Okay... {turns it on}

{The TV screen shows the Announcer outside the dark forest. He is looking quite serious and concerned.}

THE ANNOUNCER: Apparently, Homestar Runner has gone on business trip with two of his friends. His brother Homeschool-

{Cuts to a picture of Homeschool, as seen from the Character Cards, only modernized.}

THE ANNOUNCER: -was driving them to their plane, and last we saw of him, he was heading-

{Cuts back to the Announcer.}

THE ANNOUNCER: -toward the dark forest, and he hasn't been seen since, except for the hospital.

{Cuts to the hospital entrance. The nurse is speaking into the microphone.}

NURSE: His body was found to have knife cuts on him and he was on the verge of passing out. A hooded girl brought him here, but she never gave a name.

{Cuts to the group watching.}

NURSE: {on TV} We are doing everything we can to save Homeschool's life, but it looks like he may die.

{collective gasp; the Announcer is cut back to}

THE ANNOUNCER: We can only hope Homeschool Winner will survive and that his car was not stolen by some evil man. If so...

{Cut back to the TV screen}

THE ANNOUNCER: be on the look out, or you may end up stabbed!

{The TV turns off; cut back to the group.}

HOMESTAR JR.: I... can't believe it... {is on the verge of tears} WHY WOULD THEY DO THIS ME?!?

PALM-PALM: Hey, it had nothing to do with you!

HOMESTAR JR.: I will make something that could easily have prevented this incident! I will make my uncle Homeschool proud!

HOMEZIPAN: We have school, you know.

HOMESTAR JR.: {record scratch} Oh right. Maybe in my spare time, then. And who will look after Marzistar and Marzipan Jr.?

{Cut to outside the front door. Strong Sad is with Marzistar and Marzipan Jr., Homestar Jr., Palm-Palm, Specs and Homezipan preparing to leave.}

STRONG SAD: Don't know why I'm doing this, but okay.

HOMESTAR JR.: Thanks, Strong Sad. I knew I could rely on you. That's Specs, she's the new girl.

SPECS: Hello, Strong Sad.

STRONG SAD: Oh, hi... {heaves a heavy sigh}

{Cuts to the four pre-teens walking to Free Country Academy. They come across Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat and Baddette.}

STRONG BAD: Oh, is that the girl my son tried to bully?

HOMESTAR JR.: Yes, Strong Bad. Will you leave her alone?

BADDETTE: Yes... for now...

THE CHEAT: {agreeing Cheat noises}


SPECS: {gulps nervously}

PALM-PALM: That's Strong Bad and Baddette. As their names suggest, they are bad! {chuckles}

STRONG BAD and BADDETTE: {growling in rage}

HOMESTAR JR.: {very quickly} Oh yeah, the other two are The Cheat and Strong Mad, let's get outta here!

HOMEZIPAN: {yelps}

{All four race off. Cuts to Bubs' Concession Stand. Coach Z and Bubs are talking.}

COACH Z: So then I say, "If ya wornt the mastard, you'll have to ketchup!"

BUBS: That was the worst joke I heard, Coach Z.

{The four kids walk in.}

BUBS: Morning, kids!

HOMESTAR JR.: Morning, Bubs. This is Specs. She's new here.

COACH Z: Hey, thar, Sporks!

SPECS: That's Specs.

COACH Z: That's wort I said, Sparks!

PALM-PALM: Don't mind him, he's got pronunciation problems.

SPECS: I noticed.

{Soon, they are passing the King of Town's castle. The Poopsmith is busy, as usual, shoveling crap.}

SPECS: Who's that guy?

HOMESTAR JR.: The Poopsmith. He's more like a Crapsmith! {shudders in disgust}

SPECS: I can't smell anything.

PALM-PALM: You can't?

SPECS: No. I don't have a sense of smell.

HOMEZIPAN: How'd that happen? Lose your nose? {giggles}

SPECS: Oh, shut up already!

{The King of Town comes out with a bowl of corn dog batter.}

THE KING OF TOWN: Poopsmith, I need a little help inside the castle!

THE POOPSMITH: {nods and enters the castle, still holding shovel, the King follows}

PALM-PALM: The Poopsmith's a good guy, he's just got a really crappy job.

{The four arrive at the entrance to Free Country Academy. Homestar Jr. sighs sadly.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {trying to act serious} Come on, Stars... {taps foot twice} Uncle Homeschool will be fine. He just needs time. I'm prepared to tell Ally, Violet, Jack-Jack and... {inhales} Star Bad... Yeah... the awful news of what happened.

{Cuts to the classroom with Homestar Jr., Palm-Palm, Specs, Violet Blue, Star Bad, Know-it-Ally, Jack-Jack and the random male student at their desks. Homestar Jr. is feeling tense.}

KNOW-IT-ALLY: Where's Miss Rosemary?

VIOLET BLUE: I don't know. I'm not her guard.

STAR BAD: Hey, Runner! I'm talking to you! What was wrong?

HOMESTAR JR.: {quietly} Nothing...

SPECS: {glaring at Star Bad} Don't ask him why! It's personal!

STAR BAD: Personal?! Pbbt-bt-bt-bt... {sarcastically} Yeah, right, it's personal!

PALM-PALM: Listen, man! He doesn't wanna tell you what happened, he's just a little pale today!

JACK-JACK: Pale? He already is! {laughs}

KNOW-IT-ALLY: Don't even joke about that! He wants time to himself, I believe, so let's leave him alone, okay?

{Silence, then everyone nods and shut up. Homestar Jr. sighs.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {whispering} I really wish, badly, my uncle were at home.

SPECS: {whispering} Don't worry. He'll be fine.

STAR BAD: Who will be fine?

KNOW-IT-ALLY: Oh, God...

HOMESTAR JR.: {scoffs} Fine, I'll tell you! My uncle Homeschool vanished last night and now he's at the hospital after someone stabbed him.

VIOLET BLUE: Who was it?

HOMESTAR JR.: {scoffs} I don't know! It must be a mystery or...

PALM-PALM: {excitedly} Hey! This will be like mystery stories my dad tells me! It's where things so horribly wrong, and some people go around finding clues, and when he, she or they have enough, they find the person who caused all that and have them arrested for good!

STAR BAD: {laughs} You guys are too funny, trying to act serious, but it can't be that exciting!

KNOW-IT-ALLY: Oh, what do you know?

HOMESTAR JR.: {chuckles} She makes me laugh saying that...

{Cuts to Strong Bad on the Lappy 486 in his computer room, a wide shot. He is finishing up an email.}

STRONG BAD: {typing} And that, Rick-man, is how I type with boxing gloves. Now I hope you guys will SHUT UP about it... FOREVER! And don't ask me to draw Trogdor again, EVER! And my parents are NONE OF YOUR FREAKIN' BUSINESS! {stops typing and turns to the audience} Don't ask me how it all went, you people in the theater! {turns away and resumes typing} And don't even mention that stupid kid Bieber either! Ugh... Stupid guy, stealing the ladies. Blegh! {stops typing} THERE! Now I hope you people you never email me again about {holds up a piece of paper showing a list called "What not to Email SB About"} the top five things on this list! {throws list away; scoffs}

STRONG SAD: {peering in from the left} Oh, hey, Strong Bad! Answering that email how you do things with those gloves on your hand?

STRONG BAD: {raising a fist} I'm gonna kill you!

STRONG SAD: {yells and runs off to the left; Strong Bad laughs}

STRONG BAD: Freakin' wimp...

{Cut to the skies. A red and white plane called the StarLine is soaring to Stark Hawk Canada. Zoom in to a window, showing Marzipan with a magazine, Homestar asleep with hat over his eyes, and Pom-Pom with his Pom Pilot. The intercom turns on.}

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: {female voice} The flight from Free Country USA to Stark Hawk Canada will be landing in about ten minutes. Fasten your seat belt for emergency landing. When landing, remain seated until plane goes to a complete stop. Have a nice day. {intercom switches off}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {mumbling in sleep} Marzipan, I've had a dreadful flight, and it's been three days long, like we're heading toward the U.S.S.R.

POM-POM: {bubbling} (The Soviet Union's been defunct since '91. You must know that!)

{A phone rings. Homestar wakes up and answers.}


{Everyone stops and begins to scream and run around.}


HOMESTAR RUNNER: I did it again, didn't I?

POM-POM: {bubbling angrily} (You don't call someone named Jack when on the plane!)

{Cuts to Stark Hawk Canada Airport. A sign reads "Welcome to Stark Hawk Canada". Below that reads "Population: 92". The StarLine lands on the runway to a complete stop. The door opens and Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom exit the plane, covered in food globs and torn clothes (not in Pom-Pom's case).}

MARZIPAN: This... is the last time we take a flight on business trip, unless it is off North America, and last time I let you bring your phone, Homestar!

{Cuts to the front door of Marzipan's house, the interior. Specs approaches and when she hears a door knock, she answers. There is a kid looking like Homeschool, with a red shirt, blue soles, green pants, ginger hair and looks thirteen. He has an obviously sad look on his face.}

SPECS: Hello, I'm Specs, who are you?

MILESTONE: I'm Milestone Winner, Homestar Jr.'s cousin. You hear my dad got attacked the other day?

SPECS: Yes, I did. And I'm sorry for him.

MILESTONE: Thanks, Specs. You're an all right girl.

{Homestar Jr. walks in.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Oh, hey, Milestone. I see you met Specs. Hey, I was in my laboratory making plans.

{He shows plans of what look like a robotic hand with claws, robot boots and a half head mask.}

SPECS: These are really cool plans, Homestar Jr.

MILESTONE: That head mask reminds me of Phantom of the Opera. {to Specs} It's an Andrew Lloyd Webber musical, an English composer.

HOMESTAR JR.: Come on, Milestone. As of August 27, and the science fair on the third of October, let's get inventing!

{Cut to Homestar Jr.'s laboratory desk. Homestar Jr. and Milestone study the plans and grin to each other. Then cuts to a montage of inventing. Homestar Jr. narrates over the scene. The training music from montage is playing in the background, performed by Limozeen.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: And so it was, that it took a whole five weeks up to the first of October to invent the Claw Hand, Robo-Boots and Cymask, what would've made uncle Homeschool proud, and for the human of tomorrow!

{Pan to a scene of the setting sun. Silhouettes of Homestar Jr. and Milestone jump up and high five each other.}

LARRY PALARONCINI: {off-screen} Showdown!

{Cuts to Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom in Stark Hawk Canada. Their business trip is over and now they're getting souvenirs.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: That trip took away five weeks of my life I'll never get back.

POM-POM: {bubbling, annoyed} (It's mainly cause you were being lazy and snored loudly during most meetings.)

MARZIPAN: {looking through a book shelf} Now Pom-Pom, what do you think Palm-Palm would love?

{Cut back to Milestone and Homestar Jr. looking at their latest inventions with awe. Homezipan, Palm-Palm and Specs enter.}

HOMEZIPAN: Hey dorks, finished your robot yet?

HOMESTAR JR.: I told you, it's not a robot! It's for the human of tomorrow!

HOMEZIPAN: Yeah, a human robot! {laughs, Homestar Jr. groans}

MILESTONE: Actually, that's an android you're talking about.

HOMEZIPAN: Whatever, other dork boy.

PALM-PALM: These actually are pretty cool.

SPECS: Yeah, a hand with claws could be good for opening mail. My grandfather probably might test them out, even if it means risks of him dying. {to herself} I might not care about that...

{Camera pans to the window while the five are talking. Unknown to them, Mr. Crawford is watching them. Cut to outside, Crawford stands up.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: So, they're planning for the human of tomorrow eh? After possible events of 2012, hmm? I'll make sure it fails miserably!

{He leaves and chuckles darkly. Cuts to a cave entrance. Mr. Crawford enters as the door opens vertically, and once he's in, they close. Cut to a laboratory bigger than Homestar Jr.'s, and Mr. Crawford enters. He summons his minions Mad Hatt, Steel Man, Shov and The Animal. Cut to Mad Hatt}

MAD HATT: Reporting for laughter, sir! {crazy laughter}

{Cut to Steel Man}

STEEL MAN: Steel Man's ready to kill enemies! {clenches fists together}

{Cut to Shov}

SHOV: I will shove foes out of the way! {whips out nun-chuck gun}

{Cut to The Animal}

THE ANIMAL: {growls and shakes violently}

{Cut to Principal Crawford}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Excellent, minions!

{Cut to a wide-shot of all five.}

SHOV: So, boss, what's the plan?

{Cut to night in Homestar Jr's room. Homestar is asleep in his bed, Milestone and Palm-Palm in sleeping bags. The clock reads 11:59, before switching to 12:00. Zoom in on the window. Mr. Crawford enters and opens the window.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: That night, the day before the science fair, Mr. Crawford came into my house, for a reason I didn't know of until later.

{Mr. Crawford quietly sneaks out with the robot hand and half mask, but when carrying the robot boots, he struggles a bit and makes it out with a crash.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {mumbles and turns over in bed, still asleep}

MILESTONE: {waking up} Huh? Oh no...

{Milestone grabs a video camera, and films Crawford sabotaging Homestar Jr.'s new inventions, quietly without being seen.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: {from Milestone's camera POV} ...and the boots will lose control, the mask will take me over, and my hand... Oh, I don't know.

{Milestone gasps and ducks, and stops filming. Mr. Crawford looks around to see if anyone was watching, shrugs and heads on toward Marzipan's gazebo. Milestone quietly follows, and hides behind a wall where he can't be seen.}

MILESTONE: {whispering} He is up to something...

{Cut to Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom sitting on a bench at Stark Hawk Airport with two bags of souvenirs. Marzipan has stress in her eyes, and Homestar and Pom-Pom have stubble.}

POM-POM: {bubbling sadly} (It's been three days since our business trip ended...)

MARZIPAN: If our flight isn't ready, I'm gonna scream.

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Relax, Marzipan. How can it be worse?

{The intercom switches on.}

MALE ANNOUNCER: The flight to Free Country USA has still been delayed due to severe repairs and will be ready in about one week. Thank you for your concerns.

{The intercom switches off, and Marzipan yells in fury for about three seconds.}

{Cut to Marzipan's house at 5:51 in the morning. Mr. Crawford hastily finishes sabotaging Homestar Jr.'s inventions. Milestone runs back through the window, switches off the camera and falls back asleep. Mr. Crawford puts back the inventions where they belong, and runs out the window, closing it behind him. All these events happen in about 47 seconds.}

{Homestar Jr.'s alarm goes off at 6:00 and he wakes up, shutting it off and gets ready for the day. Cut to him alone in the kitchen.}

HOMESTAR JR.: This is the big day... The science fair... People will be amazed...

{Cuts to the science fair, set outside the front of Free Country Academy. Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Baddette and Star Bad are in a group, looking bored. Bubs and Coach Z are talking. The Poopsmith and the King of Town are together. Miley Homey is speaking with Jack-Jack, Forlornelle, Know-It-Ally and Violet Blue. Rosemary is speaking to Mr. Crawford. Strong Sad is absent, babysitting Marzipan Jr. and Marzistar. Homezipan, Specs, Palm-Palm and Milestone are waiting for Homestar Jr. to arrive. Chattering is heard in the background.}

HOMEZIPAN: Oh, it's like my dorky brother to be late!

PALM-PALM: He's not late, just getting ready, I believe.

{Cut to Homestar Jr. in the field. He has his inventions in a cart on wheels being pushed by him. He passes the stick, and then the brick wall. He pants heavily for twelve seconds before we cut back to the group.}

HOMEZIPAN: Hey Forlornelle!

FORLORNELLE: Hey, what's up, Homezipan?

HOMEZIPAN: You're kinda emo, aren't you? {laughs}

FORLORNELLE: {starts to cry} I'm not emo!

HOMEZIPAN: You're an emo girl! {laughs}

FORLORNELLE: {sobbing}

KNOW-IT-ALLY: Oh my God, what's going on here?

SPECS: Homezipan made Forlornelle cry.

FORLORNELLE: {weeping} She called me emo!

KNOW-IT-ALLY: HOMEZIPAN! What is wrong with you?!

HOMEZIPAN: I was having fun!

VIOLET BLUE: Is that all she has to say for herself?

MILEY HOMEY: You two worry too much! Just let her have fun with emo girl!

FORLORNELLE: {starts sobbing again} YOU'RE A BULLY!

{Homestar Jr. walks in, tired and sees Forlornelle crying, then turns angrily to Homezipan.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Homezipan, when are you going to learn to stop calling Forlornelle... that?

HOMEZIPAN: The exact same instant you quit science...

HOMESTAR JR.: Ugh... {to Forlornelle} I'm sorry about my sister. She just can't help it.

FORLORNELLE: {still cries for a little and sees Homestar Jr.} What's up, Homestar Jr.?

HOMESTAR JR.: Bet you can't do this... {He leaps about 50 feet in the air, does a flip and lands safely on his feet. The camera focuses on him as he flies and then lands.}

FORLORNELLE: {chuckles}

{Cuts to Mr. Crawford and Rosemary. Homestar Jr. walks in with his cart.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Ah, Homestar Jr., ready for this year of 2009's science fair.

ROSEMARY: {raises a hand} Mr. Crawford, sir. Need I remind you of what happened last year? It nearly blown us to smithereens!

HOMESTAR JR.: I survived worse than that. I ensure it won't be a repeat of last year.

{Cuts to Mr. Crawford behind a podium in front of the crowd. A banner on the front doors reads "SCiENCE FAiR 2009". Homestar Jr. is next to him with his cart of the Claw Hand, Robo-Boots and Cymask.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 13th annual Free Country Academy science fair!

{Applause. The King boos off-screen.}

THE KING OF TOWN: {off-screen} Where's the food?

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: {annoyed} For the hundredth time, King, the tables! {gobbling sounds, Mr. Crawford resumes smiling} Anyways, Homestar Jr. here is to show off his latest inventions, and I would be honored to try them out!

HOMESTAR JR.: {presents the Claw Hand} This is the Claw Hand. It's named for these claws on the end, and good especially for mail.

{Mr. Crawford puts on the Claw Hand on his right hand. He bends fingers forward for a test.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {presents the Cymask} This beauty is for the left side of your head, and can change into any shape it wants. Watch.

{He puts the Cymask on Mr. Crawford's left side of his head, which surprisingly fits into Mr. Crawford's size.}


HOMESTAR JR.: {presents the Robo-Boots} And these Robo-Boots are made to fit any size, and can help you reach high heights.

{Mr. Crawford gets his feet in the Robo-Boots, and they adjust. Crowd "ooohs" again.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {holds a remote control} And now... for a test! {presses button}

{Suddenly, Mr. Crawford shoots up vertically. The crowd looks up in awe, then suddenly, Mr. Crawford runs though a window. The crowd gasps.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Huh?! {presses button again to stop Mr. Crawford, to no avail} What's going on?! Why-

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: {yells from inside}

{Cut to inside the school, Mr. Crawford rams into lockers, knocks down desks, smashes windows, breaks down doors, and causes a fire. In the process, he loses his left arm and part of his torso left side. The school catches fire, and everyone screams running in different directions.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {in absolute shock} Oh my God... What on earth have I done?!

{Cuts to black. Fade into Stark Hawk Airport, and Marzipan is arguing with an airport employee at the ticket booth.}

MARZIPAN: ...and we're in desperate need in getting home! My kids will be worried if I'm home late!

AIRPORT EMPLOYEE: I'm sorry, ma'am. There's nothing I can do about that. {goes back to work}

MARZIPAN: Ugh. I'm outta ideas.

POM-POM: {bubbling} (Great. Now what do we do now?)

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Would a train get us home? We could find a railway station.

MARZIPAN: {perking up} Train! What a grand idea!

{Brief montage of Marzipan looking into a map, her, Homestar and Pom-Pom leaving with bags of souvenirs and suitcases, riding a taxi, and arriving at Stark Hawk Railway Station, to uplifting music. The three walk up to a ticket booth.}

MARZIPAN: Three for Free Country USA.

TICKET BOOTH GUY: {handing out tickets} The next train is due to arrive in an hour.

MARZIPAN: {accepting tickets} Ugh... {mutters} Great... more waiting...

{Cuts back to ruins of Free Country Academy. Mr. Crawford's body (with inventions still intact) falls from the second floor window. A crowd gathers around him in worry, concern and angst. Somber music begins to play.}

MILEY HOMEY: How could this have happened?

COACH Z: Poor guy.

BUBS: Homestar Jr.'s inventions don't usually turn against him...

STAR BAD: How will I get education now?!

SPECS: Milestone, I think something is up...

MILESTONE: I agree with you. Homestar Jr. may be an innocent victim of some sort of evil scheme.

HOMEZIPAN: Everybody! {everyone looks at her} I think it's my dorky brother's fault! He wanted the school closed so he did it on purpose!

{Homezipan turns away only to find Homestar Jr. (who had been watching in shock) has run off.}

HOMEZIPAN: He was right there, but I don't know where he's run off to.

BADDETTE: If I see that dork next, he'll wish he's not in my way!

{The crowd leaves, most with angry looks. Palm-Palm, Specs, Milestone, Know-it-Ally, Violet Blue and Miley Homey stay where they are, and have concerned and worried looks on their faces.}

PALM-PALM: {angry} Why does Homezipan make up lies to stay out of trouble?

VIOLET BLUE: She usually tries to get Homestar Jr. blamed, but it never happens... until this once...

MILEY HOMEY: My poor cousin... I hope he's okay...

KNOW-IT-ALLY: He's probably bad that he thinks it's still his fault, even if it may not be.

MILESTONE: What're uncle Homestar and aunt Marzipan gonna say?

{All walk off in sorrow, except Specs, who sighs sadly.}

SPECS: He was so cute too... {tears form in her eyes} and now I really am an orphan this time! {Specs leaves still crying.}

{Unknown to her, the girl in brown with blond hair has seen everything from behind the school wall.}

MYSTERIOUS GIRL: If you only knew, Specs... {looks to where Homestar Jr. ran off to} And the poor guy's probably all alone in the forest... {walks slowly from the school into the forest}

{Cut to Homestar Jr. running into forest, crying and upset. He stops by a small river and sits on a rock.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: I was alone. Alone and unhappy. Unhappy with no friends or family. I felt this time it was actually my fault...

{Out of anger, Homestar Jr. throws his hat into the forest and looks into the river in shame.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: I thought I would never see my friends and family again, for I was just twelve years old. Everything around was black as the night. The clouds were looming in, as if it was going to rain any minute.

{An owl hoots.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Huh?! What was- Oh, just an owl... Oh... woe is me... {resumes crying}

{Suddenly, red smoke billows from the ground. Dramatic music begins to play.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Wh-who are you?

{A figure in a black cloak holding a long stick with a blade at the end heads toward him... The Grim Reaper! It heads nearer to Homestar Jr.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {screams and gasps} No! No, no, no, no, no! PLEASE SHOW MERCY!!! {closes eyes, full of tears, in agony}

{The Grim Reaper stops and raises a hand toward Homestar Jr., when a blinding flash of light appears to reveal Helen Angelica. Dramatic music stops, and Homestar Jr. opens his eyes in shock.}


HELEN ANGELICA: Away! He's not ready for death you demon!

THE GRIM REAPER: {breathes out red smoke in anger}


THE GRIM REAPER: {growls and walks off, then disappears}

{Homestar Jr. looks at the Grim Reaper walking off, and turns to see Helen Angelica has vanished.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {dumbfounded} Was I- {chuckles weakly} Maybe not...

{Gentle soft music plays He looks up at the full moon before he falls asleep underneath a tree, and rain starts to pour. The sound of wolves howling is heard, but he does not stir. The mysterious girl picks him up and drags him to her stone house.}

HELEN ANGELICA: {voice echo} You'll see me again when it's time... Homestar Runner, Jr....

{Cuts to Mr. Crawford's lair. Steel Man brings in Mr. Crawford's dead body, and lies it on an operating table. Cut to a montage of Mad Hatt, Shov and The Animal making electronics within Mr. Crawford, making a new arm with a claw at the end, and finishing it up. Mr. Crawford awakes again, and looks at his left side.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: {in slightly altered voice} Aaahhh... Thank you, minions! {snaps claw and rolls up robot fingers}

{Cut to a ledge of the mountain. Mr. Crawford looks over it and snaps his claw.}

PRINCIPAL CRAWFORD: Just you wait... Homestar Jr. You don't know what you're in for now! Cause phase one is complete, and I am no longer Derek Crawford... but Deep... Claw!

{Mr. Crawford/Deep Claw laughs evilly and his minions follow. Echoing over the night of Free Country USA. Fade to black.}

{Cuts to a Stark Hawk Canada countryside. Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom's train, a green steam motor coach with a blue coach (resembling an Ivatt GNR rail motor coach No. 5) pulling two blue coaches puffs in and the whistle blows. Cut to Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom in the coach section of the engine Marzipan with a magazine, Homestar asleep again, and Pom-Pom with his Pom Pilot.}

POM-POM: {bubbling excitedly} (We're finally going home for real, this time!)


MARZIPAN: Despite Homestar's snoring, let's hope nothing goes wrong again!

{The train lurches to a stop. Passengers gasp.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {waking up} Huh?! What?! Where am I?!

MARZIPAN: {tension growing} I... had to say that... didn't I?!

{Cut to the driver and fireman in the cab.}

ENGINE DRIVER: Sorry, everybody! There's sheep on the track!

ENGINE FIREMAN: We'll end up thirty to ninety minutes late, depending on how long it takes to remove those sheep!

ENGINE DRIVER: At the next station, we'll tell the stationmaster about the problem.

{Cuts to outside Marzipan's window.}

MARZIPAN: Oh, I'm sure it can't be that bad!

{Marzipan looks out the window and gasps. Cut to the front of the locomotive, and zooms out to reveal about 200 sheep blocking the track. Marzipan yells in fury once again, before being cut off when the screen turns black.}



{Cut to Homestar Jr. snoring inside the girl's house, still without his hat. He wakes up after five seconds before realizing where he is and gasps.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Where am I?

{He peers outside and sees the rain has stopped. He smiles sadly.}

MYSTERIOUS GIRL: {from behind him} Hi.

{Homestar Jr. yells and jumps forward, then turns over and breathes heavily. The girl has a brown dress, red shoes, blond hair and a monocle over her left eye.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Wh- Wh- Who are you?

MONOCLE: The name's Monocle.

HOMESTAR JR.: Monocle? I'm sure I heard that name before. Are you Specs' sister I heard about?

MONOCLE: Yes. We haven't seen each other for twelve years, not since our mother's death, Homestar Jr.

HOMESTAR JR.: That's very s- Wait! {shocked} How did you know my name?!

MONOCLE: {smiles} I saw everything that happened over the last six weeks.

HOMESTAR JR.: You did?

{Cuts to a series of flashbacks, Monocle narrating.}

MONOCLE: {voice-over} Since the day Specs arrived to Free Country Academy, I saw her, checking on how much she's grown. And I was outside Crawford's office, overhearing his laughter, and at night, I stalked him to find out of his evil plans, not being seen, but I never told anyone.

HOMESTAR JR.: {voice-over} You must know what happened to my uncle Homeschool then, do you?

MONOCLE: {voice-over} Oh yes, it was horrible! Crawford stabbed him, there was blood, and drove away with Homeschool's car, giving me an opportunity to bring him to the hospital, in hopes of saving his life!

HOMESTAR JR.: {voice-over} That's very sweet of you, and did you see why my inventions were malfunctioning? And the wreckage of the school?

MONOCLE: {voice-over} Yes. Unknown to him, two nights ago, he tested the inventions to ensure they were working perfectly, before the salvaged them on purpose to ensure you got the blame.

HOMESTAR JR.: {voice-over} Of course!

{Cut back to present day.}

HOMESTAR JR.: He did that to blame me! My sister Homezipan wanted the whole town to rally against me, but I ran off to ensure they didn't get the chance. We better tell everyone about it!

MONOCLE: No! No! Not so fast! They'll probably won't believe you, but what we need is evidence!

HOMESTAR JR.: You didn't have a camera?

MONOCLE: No. But I saw your cousin with a video camera that other night, filming everything.

HOMESTAR JR.: That... sounds like good, solid proof! But wait... what happened to uncle Homeschool's car?

MONOCLE: {starts to head off, following tire tread marks} Follow me, and ensure you don't get caught!

{The two new friends set off down the tread marks. Cut to Strong Sad and Specs at Marzipan's house, Specs looking worried, and Strong Sad showing concern.}

SPECS: That was the last I saw of him. He's been blamed for something he didn't do!

STRONG SAD: {angry} How can they blame Homestar Jr.? I hope they arrest the real criminal responsible!

SPECS: Can't help but agree with you, Strong Sad.

STRONG SAD: {worried} If my brothers and Baddette know I'm siding Homestar Jr., they'll beat me to a point I die from excessive blood loss!

SPECS: Just pretend to agree with them.

STRONG SAD: Well... I'll try and give it a shot...

{Cut to the entrance of Junk Scrap, a scrapyard of old machinery. Homestar Jr. and Monocle enter and encounter Homeschool's car, with the same scratches made by Deep Claw, and Homeschool's blood now dried up.}

MONOCLE: This was your uncle's car. It looks useless now.

HOMESTAR JR.: I bet I could restore it, sometime after Crawford's defeated and arrested.

MONOCLE: Worth a try.

HOMESTAR JR.: I bet he is up to no good...

{Cut to Deep Claw's laboratory. Dramatic music.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: I was right. Crawford - now Deep Claw - was ready for the next phase of his evil plan to take over..

DEEP CLAW: All right minions! I need all four of you to break into everybody's house and bring them here! I've got Homeschool Winner captured already, about three weeks ago, and I'll have something in store for the dork kid's parents and the fat yellow blob!

MAD HATT, STEEL MAN and SHOV: Yes, boss! {The Animal growls}

DEEP CLAW: Mess up, and I'm mad! NOW MOVE IT!!! {the minions leave through the entrance} Not so easy to be the man in charge. {sighs}

{Cut to the front door of Rosemary's house, on the interior. Mad Hatt breaks in and laughs hysterically. Cut to Rosemary on a chair.}

ROSEMARY: {shrieks} Stand back! I got knives and you don't wanna be near when I have one!

MAD HATT: {laughs hysterically} I BRING YOU DOWN!

{Bubs, holding a huge shovel, whacks Mad Hatt in the butt, sending him flying through a window.}

ROSEMARY: What is going on?

BUBS: Well, I don't know! Some guy we never heard of before attacking, and who could be next?

{Cut to the House of the Brothers Strong front door. Steel Man breaks in and growls angrily.}

STEEL MAN: Look out! Steel Man is here for attack!

{Strong Bad, Star Bad, Strong Mad, Strong Sad, Baddette and The Cheat enter. Strong Sad yells and runs off in shock. Steel Man is about to attack, but ends up with a huge beating from Strong Bad, Star Bad, Baddette, Strong Mad and The Cheat, a la Home Alone treatment.}

STRONG BAD: No one beats up Strong Sad but me and The Cheat!


BADDETTE: {blows into fist cockily} And me!


{Cut to outside the House of the Brothers Strong, Steel Man is thrown out.}

STEEL MAN: Steel Man is going to be sore in the morning. {walks off and groans}

{Cut to Know-it-Ally and Violet Blue's house. Ally and Violet are doing homework.}

KNOW-IT-ALLY: Now, 8 to the 8th power is...

VIOLET BLUE: 16,777,216. {said as sixteen million seven hundred seventy seven thousand two hundred sixteen}

KNOW-IT-ALLY: {thumbs up} That's right.

{Cut to the front door. Shov and The Animal break in for attack, but Ally and Violet punch Shov in the jaw, and The Animal is kicked by Violet.}


SHOV: OW! {Know-it-Ally punches him again, knocking him out cold}

{Cut to the King of Town's castle. The King is having a dessert of ice cream, brownies and strawberries. Mad Hatt climbs in through the window and laughs crazily, but is whacked with a shovel, by the Poopsmith, and Mad Hatt lands on a bush.}


{Cut to the interior of Homestar's house, now residing are Miley Homey, Jack-Jack and Forlornelle. The three girls are watching TV. Steel Man tries to get in through a window, but the three girls see him.}

FORLORNELLE: {cries for no reason}

JACK-JACK: {throws pies at Steel Man}

STEEL MAN: Steel Man's allergic to pie! {sneezes while Jack-Jack throws pies at him}

{Miley knocks Steel Man out of the house, and he runs off. Cut to Marzipan's kitchen, with Palm-Palm, Specs and Homezipan. Shov and The Animal try to break in through the window, but Specs sees and throws a plate at Shov.}

SHOV: {angry} You little brat!

PALM-PALM: DUDE! Get out! {fights them off} My dad's gonna be angry when he hears you invaded!

{Out of fear, Shov and The Animal escape.}

THE ANIMAL: {worried growls}

SHOV: Boss is gonna be mad...

{Cut to the laboratory. Deep Claw is furious, his minions are sorry looking.}


MAD HATT: Sorry, boss! It wasn't our faults!

DEEP CLAW: I don't care! {pulls out a remote, holding it with his claw} Plan B will be in action tomorrow!

{Thunder claps. Cut to Monocle and Homestar Jr. in the forest. The car has been brought with them, and are now at Monocle's small house.}

HOMESTAR JR.: So Deep Claw is Crawford, and is not alone...

MONOCLE: {nods} Mmm-hmm.

HOMESTAR JR.: Who are his minions?

MONOCLE: {shows profiles} Here they are...

{Cut to the profile of Mad Hatt, held by Monocle.}

MONOCLE: Mad Hatt, English heritage. Known for his trademark hat, floating arms and body and flapping head, and crazy laughter. {profile switches to Steel Man} Steel Man, Russian heritage. Speaks in third person and known for steel plates around him. {profile switches to Shov} Shov, German heritage. Spelled like "shove", only with a silent E and known for his partnership with {profile switches to The Animal} The Animal. Origins unknown, but lived in a rain forest.

{Cut back to the two, Monocle puts away profiles.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Five guys against two kids? That is a major threat!

MONOCLE: We need more friends!

HOMESTAR JR.: {scoffs} My friends won't believe me if I tell them. Only real friends would.

MONOCLE: We just need time, Homestar Jr... Just time...


MONOCLE: Look, you must understand. It's not fair being alone, is it?

HOMESTAR JR.: {shakes head} No.

MONOCLE: I was like you before, about three years ago. The orphanage abandoned me for - assumed to be - hurting a kid, but it wasn't my fault. I didn't lay a finger on him! It's a cold world, Homestar Jr.

HOMESTAR JR.: Sometimes... but I agree...

MONOCLE: You must do the right thing, even if people hold you back. You'll do fine, kid.

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: I smiled a little. My head and stomach felt empty, but I knew Monocle being kind was better than nothing... any day!

{Cut to a railway a few miles from Free Country USA. Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom's train pulls in.}

MARZIPAN: One last station, and we're finally home again!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: This doesn't look like Free Country USA.

POM-POM: {bubbles}

{Cut to a stark morning in Free Country USA.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Dawn broke across Free Country USA, Monday the fifth. All was peaceful... until...

{A giant robot foot crashes down from the sky toward Strong Badia, destroying a section of the fence and sending everything flying. Pan over to Strong Bad, Star Bad, The Cheat, Strong Mad and Baddette having seen the incident.}

STAR BAD: Is this one of dork boy's inventions?


THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises} (Eh, what's that?)

{A UFO floats next to the giant robot, which purple with a yellow chest plate, antennae with red balls at the end, a red lightning bolt on the chest plate, with the initials D C on it. The UFO's bottom opens with a strange green light.}

STRONG BAD: What... the... crap?

BADDETTE: What is this?

{Star Bad runs off in terror, and The Cheat is lifted up, followed by Strong Bad, then Baddette, and struggles a bit with Strong Mad. Once Strong Mad is in the UFO, the light dies down.}

{Cut to Marzipan's front porch. Strong Sad (holding Marzistar and Marzipan Jr.), Specs, Palm-Palm, Homezipan and Milestone see the UFO heading towards them slowly from the mist.}

HOMEZIPAN: Cool, what's that?

PALM-PALM: Looks like an unidentified flying object!

MILESTONE: Like from movies!

SPECS: Oh my god! My grandpa's got something to do with this! He's not dead!

STRONG SAD: {in panic} You four! Run off!

{The four pre-teens run off in the same direction, Marzipan Jr. and Marzistar whimper in fear, as Strong Sad is lifted by the green beam.}

{Cut to a wide shot of Free Country USA, the people being lifted into the UFO, while Know-it-Ally and Violet Blue escape with their lives.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: The UFO invaded our lovely town, kidnapping innocent people. What I didn't know...

{Cut to Star Bad running into the forest, then to Homezipan, Palm-Palm, Milestone and Specs, who also split up - Specs paired with Palm-Palm - upon arriving at the forest, and we cut to Violet and Ally running into the forest.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: {during this bit} ...that we would reunite... unintentionally...

{Cut to Free Country Railway Station. The steam engine comes to a stop. Cut to a coach door where Homestar, Pom-Pom and Marzipan get out, tired and exhausted.}

MARZIPAN: {without thanking anyone} FINALLY! We're home again! After six frustrating weeks!

POM-POM: {bubbling} (Remind me to tape her mouth shut after Decemberween.)

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Okay! {The three walk off.}

{Cut to Marzipan's house, Marzipan and Homestar enter.}

MARZIPAN: Hi, kids! We're home!

{No reply}

MARZIPAN: Kids, I said we're home!

{Still, no answer}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Where is everyone? Homezipan? Babies? Mini me?!

MARZIPAN: {to herself} That's odd... I didn't see anyone else other than Homestar and Pom-Pom... What could've happened?

{Cut to Milestone running in the forest. He is gasping with worry, and then he runs into Know-it-Ally and Violet Blue... literally!}

KNOW-IT-ALLY: Hey, watch the glasses, buddy! {stands up and straightens glasses}

MILESTONE: {standing up, foolish} Sorry... See that UFO?

VIOLET BLUE: There was that giant robot I saw too! We made it out alive!

MILESTONE: I think we're not the only survivors! We better find everyone else!

{The three team up to find the others, walking deeper in the forest. Cut to Homezipan sitting on a rock, tired and exhausted.}

HOMEZIPAN: {breathing heavily} So tired... all this running...

STAR BAD: {off-screen} You're telling me?! {pans to him} I've got here ten minutes before you did! Stupid little girls....

HOMEZIPAN: {stands up and giggles} You're four inches shorter than me! Who's the little one now?!

STAR BAD: {flips off Homezipan in anger} SHUT IT!!!!

HOMEZIPAN: {sits down and smiles warmly}

STAR BAD: What... are you smiling for?

HOMEZIPAN: I think you're cute, even if you're a big bully and insult my friends!

STAR BAD: {shocked} Are... Are you kiddin' me?!

HOMEZIPAN: No kidding! Seriously!

STAR BAD: {growls angrily} In case you are not aware, Homezi, our dads are rivals, as are I and your dork of a brother!

HOMEZIPAN: {giggles happily}

STAR BAD: {makes a rude face, Homezipan doesn't care}

{Cut to Homestar and Marzipan in Strong Badia. The whistling sound his heard. Pom-Pom bounces in.}

POM-POM: {bubbling} (I looked everywhere, and I can't see anybody! Not even Palm-Palm or Homestar Jr.! They must have run off and left behind this mess!)

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What's that robot doing here?

MARZIPAN: {turns} What robot- Oh my god!

{Cut to Marzipan's POV, the camera pans up to see the giant robot and the UFO hovering in the sky. Zoom in on the robot's face. Cut to the robot's POV, looking down at Marzipan, Homestar and Pom-Pom, all three in shock.}

MARZIPAN: What... is... that?

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I never knew this was new in town!

{Cut to a shot of the three and the robot's foot. A green light picks up all three. Homestar and Marzipan scream in terror and Pom-Pom bubbles in fear and shock. Cut to the bottom entrance of the UFO, and as Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom are in, it closes.}

{Cut to Palm-Palm and Specs looking around for Homestar Jr. They hear a guitar playing in the distance.}

SPECS: What's that?

PALM-PALM: Did I tell you Homestar Jr. plays guitar? He's ambidextrous at that, bass and drums, too! {The two follow to the source of the music}

{Cut to Violet Blue, Know-it-Ally and Milestone looking for Homestar. They hear the music too.}

KNOW-IT-ALLY: Who's that?

VIOLET BLUE: That's some sad music.

MILESTONE: {smiling} I think I know who it is... {The three follow the source of the music}

{Cut to Homezipan smiling widely at Star Bad, the music still playing.}

HOMEZIPAN: Hey Starry Baddy!


{Homezipan leans next to Star Bad and giggles romantically.}

STAR BAD: What the crap?!?

HOMEZIPAN: We should fall in love... {Little hearts bubble and pop over Homezipan's head}

STAR BAD: What a freakin' weirdo... {pause, he tilts his head up a bit} Hear that? Sounds like... guitar...

HOMEZIPAN: {opens eyes} Who?

STAR BAD: I dunno. {stands up, but Homezipan pounces on him, much to his annoyance} Will you get offa me, you freakin' idiot?!

HOMEZIPAN: {hugging} No way!

STAR BAD: {growls in defeat} Fine... {follows to the source of the music, Homezipan on his back}

{Cut to a guitar close up, played by Homestar Jr. The camera zooms out and we cut to Homestar Jr. playing the guitar and Monocle listening in. As Homestar Jr. sings, which is a reinvention of The Beatles' "Yesterday", Palm-Palm, Specs, Know-it-Ally, Violet Blue, Milestone, Star Bad and Homezipan emerge from bushes they were hiding in and get closer.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Yesterday, {C My troubles all seemed far from me {C They're going to stay with me, they be I believe right now with yesterday.

Right now today, I don't feel like the kid I was {C I feel that the situation hasn't passed, Yesterday had to come right now.

Why this happened to me? I don't know, I ran away {C I feel that I did something bad, {C And I long now for yesterday.

Yesterday, {By this point, Palm-Palm, Specs, Know-it-Ally, Violet Blue and Milestone join in, part of the chorus} {C My troubles all seemed far from me {C They're going to stay with me, they be I believe right now with yesterday...

{Homestar Jr. hums sadly, finishing up the song. The music stops. Small applause. He sees his friends and smiles sadly.}

HOMESTAR JR.: You guys came here... for me!?

KNOW-IT-ALLY: We heard, and we joined in for some apparent reason.

PALM-PALM: Great to see you, my very best friend in Free Country USA!

VIOLET BLUE: How else can we have found you?

MILESTONE: {holding up Homestar Jr's hat} I found this.

SPECS: Is that my sister?!

MONOCLE: Specs! It's been almost twelve years now!

{The two sisters run to each other and hug tightly. They break and turn to Homestar Jr., still hatless.}

SPECS: Thank you for finding my sister, Homestar Jr.!

MONOCLE: Actually, I found him. Close enough, though. He was alone and unhappy.

HOMEZIPAN: Is your new friend a three-eyes? {laughs}

MONOCLE: {angry} You wouldn't be laughing if you were in my shoes!

HOMESTAR JR.: That's my dumb, younger sister Homezipan.

HOMEZIPAN: I heard that, you dork!

{Cut to the group now in different positions.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: After introductions, Milestone and Monocle told everyone all about the entire events of what happened.

MILESTONE: I filmed everything and no mistake!

SPECS: That explains the clattering last night.

MONOCLE: And I saw Homeschool get attacked brutally, and everything Crawford is up to!

SPECS: {slamming fist against hand} I knew it! Monocle, our grandfather's a true villain!

STAR BAD: And I saw with my parents, The Cheat and Uncle Strong Mad a UFO which captured all of us but me!

VIOLET BLUE: That may be vital to the plan...

HOMEZIPAN: {interrupting} It's dork boy's fault!

KNOW-IT-ALLY, VIOLET BLUE and PALM-PALM: Shut up, Homezipan!

HOMEZIPAN: {pouts angrily}

{Cut to Homestar Jr. thinking, then, to uplifting music, he gets a plan. He puts his hat back on and stands up. Cut to the entire group.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Everybody... I have a plan in hand...

{Everyone gathers around Homestar Jr., and he explains his plan which is unheard. Cut to black. The lights go on, Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom are floating slightly from the ground, inside the UFO. Lights shimmer only on them.}


MARZIPAN: Where are we?

{Maniacal laughter}

POM-POM: {bubbling} (What on earth was that?)

{Cut to Mad Hatt, grinning.}

MAD HATT: Hellooooooooooooooo! {crazy laughter}

{Cut back to Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom.}

MARZIPAN: Who is this guy?

{Cut to Mad Hatt.}

MAD HATT: Not important, you old purple broom!

{Cut back to Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: I don't like this guy's altitude!

{Cut to Mad Hatt.}

MAD HATT: WHATEVER!! {laughs crazily, speaks into microphone} Boss, we found the targets!

DEEP CLAW: {through intercom} Excellent! Show them to me!

MAD HATT: Yes, boss!

{Cut back to Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom. They are brought forward to a room featuring everybody else captured onto the walls, strapped by the arms, legs and waist.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Whoa, what happened to everyone?

STRONG BAD: We got captured and here we are now!

MAD HATT: Our leader is coming now, people!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Is Justin Bieber here?

{Everyone but Mad Hatt groans loudly at the mention of that name.}

MAD HATT: No, you freaking idiot! I said "leader"! Get it right!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Take me to your "Bieber"!

MAD HATT: {groans}

{Cut to a two door. It opens to reveal Deep Claw, Steel Man, Shov and The Animal. They walk forward to Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom. Deep Claw chuckles evilly.}

DEEP CLAW: Show me the money!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: Are you the Bieber? Sing "Baby", sing it! {Marzipan groans}

DEEP CLAW: Do I look like a teenager!?

MARZIPAN: Mr. Crawford, what happened to you?

DEEP CLAW: Save it, lady! It's Deep Claw, now!

STRONG BAD: What Dumbstar's saying is why are we here?

DEEP CLAW: You can't handle the truth! {record scratch} It's for me to know, wrestle m'n, and for you to find out!

STRONG BAD: {lowers eyelids} Freak...

DEEP CLAW: What was that?!

STRONG BAD: {retaliates} Nothing.

DEEP CLAW: Yeah right. Anyway... {turns to Homestar, Marzipan and Pom-Pom} You're here because I'm going to take over your little town, nothing you can do about it! I'm missing one thing...

POM-POM: {bubbles} (What?)

DEEP CLAW: Homestar Jr...

BADDETTE: The same dork who killed you?

MARZIPAN: What happened?

DEEP CLAW: SILENCE! He didn't kill me... He gave me this new form! {snaps claw and curls fingers} I'm the human of tomorrow, a cyborg that will rule this town today, and by next year, the world! When I capture him and his little girlfriend, I will reveal the entire truth!

{Deep Claw chuckles evilly, and then his minions follow. Cut to a wide shot of the UFO, hovering over the dark sky, before it flies off to Deep Claw's lair. Cut to black.}

{Cut to Marzipan's living room. Homestar Jr., Palm-Palm, Specs, Homezipan, Milestone, Star Bad, Violet Blue, Know-it-Ally and Monocle stand in the group with small movements, for about eight seconds. Showdown plays as a montage begins. The montage consists of preparing a food supply, Homestar Jr. and Milestone making new Springy Boots, Palm-Palm and Specs covering up Homestar Jr's window and Homezipan acting like an idiot.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: For the next week, we prepared to face against Deep Claw and his minions to save our little town.

{Cut to everybody in Homestar Jr.'s laboratory.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: At night, the fake grass covered up my window

{Cut to Mad Hatt looking for the kids.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: to avoid being spotted by the bad guys.

MAD HATT: {crazy laughter}

{Cut to the living room. Homestar Jr.'s room door is covered up by a rug. Steel Man breaks in and looks around, but no success.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: And the rug was helpful too.

{Cut to the group in silhouettes outside the house. The showdown song ends.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: It was October the 11th. We were ready for our rescue tomorrow.

{Cut to Homestar Jr., Specs and Violet Blue.}

HOMESTAR JR.: All right, let's review the plan...

{Cut to a blue screen with white figures of each of the heroes. The actions happen as Homestar Jr. says them.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {voice-over} First, we hide in the forest until tomorrow, with our food supply to avoid starvation. When the dawn breaks, we all jump up to the UFO, and rescue everybody, and we live happily ever after, that princess crap. I will be with Specs and Monocle, Milestone with Violet and Homezipan, and Star Bad with Palm-Palm and Ally.

{Cut to Star Bad, in normal style.}

STAR BAD: Thank god... Away from Homezipan.

HOMEZIPAN: I wanna be with him!

STAR BAD: Ah crap!

{Cuts to the forest, by Monocle's house. Everyone is asleep. Zoom in on Homestar Jr. He awakes to find he's alone, but surrounded by sparkling gold.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Anybody there?! {voice echos "there?" repeatedly}

{In a flash of white, Helen Angelica appears. Homestar Jr. looks on in awe and amazement.}

HELEN ANGELICA: {smiling warmly} It's nice to see you again, Homestar Jr.

HOMESTAR JR.: Nice to see- Wait, how'd you know my name?

HELEN ANGELICA: {giggles} I've seen everything that happened. You didn't know?

HOMESTAR JR.: {blushing; stammers} U-uh, n-n-no. Who are you?

HELEN ANGELICA: That's right, I didn't introduce myself, did I? I'm Helen Angelica.

HOMESTAR JR.: The same girl my mom tells stories to my baby sisters and the girl in my dreams?

HELEN ANGELICA: Yes. Now hold on. I wanna show you something.

{Homestar Jr. grabs onto Helen Angelica, and she flies into the air, and they land in Free Country USA.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {disappointed} Oh, it's just our town.

HELEN ANGELICA: Your town... in the year 2011!

HOMESTAR JR.: Huh? But what happened?

HELEN ANGELICA: Are you sure you want to know what could happen? {Homestar Jr. nods, Helen points} Look. You may get a shock.

HOMESTAR JR.: {he looks} Can they see us?

HELEN ANGELICA: No. We're shadows. So we're not shown.

{Cut to Deep Claw with Mad Hatt, Steel Man, Shov and The Animal. With them are Strong Bad, The Cheat, Strong Mad and Baddette, all with evil looks on their faces.}

DEEP CLAW: Finally, we have taken over, and got rid of many!

STRONG BAD: Who knew being a minion was a good thing?

THE CHEAT: {agreeing Cheat noises}

{Cut back to Homestar Jr. and Helen.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Oh my God!

HELEN ANGELICA: Don't say I didn't warn you.

{Cut back to the villains.}


BADDETTE: Complete total losers like Homestar dead, I don't think Strong Sad's coming back to complain!

{Cut back to Homestar Jr. and Helen. Strong Sad and Specs go through their shadows, injured badly, Specs' glasses are broken, and Strong Sad is crawling badly.}

SPECS: No, grandfather, no!


HELEN ANGELICA: She can't hear you.

HOMESTAR JR.: Oh right.

{Cut to Specs and Strong Sad heading toward the villains and they stop, tired.}

DEEP CLAW: My granddaughter survived, hmm?

STRONG BAD: And my wimpy brother, too!

STRONG SAD: Please, Strong Bad, show me mercy!

SPECS: Deep Claw, you killed my friends, and Homestar Jr. I loved the most, you've gone too far now!

DEEP CLAW: {chuckles} You want to speak to me, eh?

SPECS: {angry} You should have been in prison months ago, you murdering monster! I never said you going to destroy damn innocent people! You killed nearly thirty and Homestar Jr. was one of them!

DEEP CLAW: {laughs} Seeing you try to defeat me! What a joke! Go on, kill me and rule as Empress of Free Country USA. Do whatever you wish, and you and Strong Sad are two of the three survivors along with Pom-Pom who ran away to Stark Hawk Canada. Your mother would be proud of you for stopping me, wouldn't she?

BADDETTE: What next? She's too young and is working for the enemies, treating us like total crap!

DEEP CLAW: Very well, then!

{Shov and The Animal attack Strong Sad, until he bleeds to death. Homestar Jr. gasps in absolute horror. Then Mad Hatt stabs Specs right in her belly. Specs stands on her knees and groans, tears in her eyes, blood spewing from her mouth and belly.}

SPECS: {weeping and dying} Grandfather... please... I'm your granddaughter... I loved you... but you never cared...

DEEP CLAW: {smirks but doesn't do a thing when Specs dies; to Steel Man} Take them to the furnace.

STEEL MAN: Yes boss!

{Steel Man picks up Strong Sad and Specs' corpses, but then Mad Hatt stabs Steel Man in the back, and Steel Man collapses. Deep Claw walks to the three corpses.}

DEEP CLAW: Well done, Mad Hatt! You, Shov and The Animal help be to bring them to burn!

{The three oblige and Deep Claw laughs evilly as the dead bodies of Strong Sad, Specs and Steel Man are taken away. Cut to Homestar Jr. and Helen, Homestar Jr. in tears.}

HOMESTAR JR.: {sobbing} Oh, not poor Specs!

HELEN ANGELICA: {sighs} I'm sorry, Homestar Jr. {as she speaks, the future Free Country USA transforms into gold again} But you're the only one that can save the town! You're a brave, true and honest kid who will always help out, no matter what! You can do it, Homestar Jr.! We believe in you!

HOMESTAR JR.: What if I don't make it? {record scratch}


HOMESTAR JR.: There's a lot of things I wanna do. I always want to go beyond Free Country USA, but if I fail... {he sighs sadly} I won't get the chance...

HELEN ANGELICA: Deep Claw may be dangerous, but you have something in you that he would never have...


HELEN ANGELICA: Heart. {giggles} Silly, but trust me on this... believe in yourself and you'll accomplish anything.

HOMESTAR JR.: {sighs sadly, but agrees}

HELEN ANGELICA: What's wrong?

HOMESTAR JR.: It's just... Ummm... I was standing there before Homezipan accused me of being a monster! I couldn't even stand up to myself and argue otherwise. I wanted to run away and never come back. I've been in problems like that before, but... that was the worst...

{Silence. Helen comes to Homestar Jr. and hugs him kindly.}

HELEN ANGELICA: She couldn't have known and no one else. Your friends have tried to clear your name, but no one listened to them. You'll have to find it in your heart to stand up for yourself, save the day!

HOMESTAR JR.: You... mean that?

HELEN ANGELICA: {breaks hug and smiles} I do!

HOMESTAR JR.: Well, thank y- {things start to fade slowly into white} What?

HELEN ANGELICA: You're waking up now! Remember what I said in your dream! You can save the day, be a hero!

HOMESTAR JR.: Wait...!

HELEN ANGELICA: Look out for the cliffs... {last word echos}

{Cut back to Homestar Jr., asleep still. He wakes up and finds everyone else asleep, but still alive.}

HOMESTAR JR.: What a scary... but nice... dream... It'll be my own personal secret...

{Cut to the UFO on the exterior. We zoom in on the interior. Everybody is still captured, and looking slightly thinner.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: What's going to happen to us all?

STRONG BAD: Shut up, Dorkstar!

{The entrance opens, and reveals Deep Claw, grinning evilly.}

DEEP CLAW: Morning, my prisoners! Too bad Homestar Jr.'s not here to witness my triumph.

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: You won't get away with this, Claw!


STRONG SAD: We thought you were dead!

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Ah, far from it! Y'see, I got stabbed by that guy, and next thing I know is I'm in the hospital, and then three weeks ago, next thing I know I'm here!

JACK-JACK: Why didn't we see you?

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Covered by blanket. I shook it off.


{Record scratches. It is so quiet a pin falls.}

DEEP CLAW: I love doing that. I need... the guy with boxing gloves for hands!

STRONG BAD: Whaaaaaaaa?

DEEP CLAW: I also want the red haired woman!

BADDETTE: Who, me?!

DEEP CLAW: The square muscle guy!


DEEP CLAW: And the small yellow animal!

THE CHEAT: {surprised Cheat noises} (What do you want with us?)

DEEP CLAW: {lets them free by disabling their straps} Follow me. I want you for something.

{The four reluctantly follow Deep Claw and the doors close behind them.}

COACH Z: Whart's gonna horpen?

BUBS: Who knows?

ROSEMARY: May be the last time we all see each other.

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: All we need is hope!

MARZIPAN: {worried} Oh, Homestar Jr., please help us out!

{Cut to outside the UFO. Homestar Jr. puts on the Springy Boots and Specs and Monocle hold onto him.}

HOMESTAR JR.: This better work. If it doesn't, then- {he springs up, Specs and Monocle squeal} WHOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

{Homestar Jr. bounces up and down to everyone's shock, and he files up toward the UFO.}

MILESTONE: They seem to be functioning normally...

PALM-PALM: Let's hope his latest crazy idea works.

{Cut to Deep Claw in his office in the UFO. He is with Steel Man, Mad Hatt, Shov and The Animal behind him, and Strong Bad, Baddette, Strong Mad and The Cheat are facing him.}

DEEP CLAW: ...they never understand you four.

STRONG BAD: Yeah they do! Like Bubs and Pom-Pom.


BADDETTE: I don't trust anyone but myself.

{Reverse POV so Strong Bad, Baddette, Strong Mad and The Cheat are facing the audience.}

DEEP CLAW: Let me finish, damn it! You're treated like aliens, but you're troopers of this town and deserve better treatment! If you join me you can be my next minions!

{Reverse POV so Deep Claw is facing us.}

DEEP CLAW: So... {holds out his right hand} what do you say? Will you join me?

{Before anyone can say anything else, Homestar Jr., Specs and Monocle crash in through the window, sending glass bits everywhere. Everyone walks back in shock. Homestar Jr. stands up, followed by Specs then Monocle.}


DEEP CLAW: Well, well, Homestar Jr.! This is a surprise. And you've brought Specs too, oh and is that Monocle, too? The granddaughter I abandoned?

MONOCLE: {angry} You are no grandfather of mine, you twisted freak!

DEEP CLAW: {chuckles} Freak? And this your way of saying hello?

HOMESTAR JR.: Strong Bad! Strong Mad! Baddette and The Cheat! Don't listen to Deep Claw! He's a mean, cyborg deceiver!

STRONG BAD: Why should we listen to a dorky murderer like you?

MONOCLE: {angry} He never killed him, Strong Bad! Deep Claw killed himself intentionally!

THE CHEAT: {Cheat noises} (Should be listen to the girl? I think she may be onto something and trying to prove Homestar Jr. is innocent for what he's convicted of!)

{Strong Bad, Strong Mad and Baddette look at The Cheat with amazement. What made him change his mind.}

DEEP CLAW: Will you join me?

STRONG BAD: {squinting his eyes} NEVER!!!!

{By this point, to heavy rock music, Milestone jumps in with Springy Boots on with Violet and Homezipan holding onto him, and Star Bad follows with Palm-Palm and Ally. All land safely to fighting poses and the music stops.}

DEEP CLAW: {laughs} Is this your army?! A bunch of kids?! {laughs loudly, Mad Hatt, Steel Man, Shov and The Animal follow}

BADDETTE: Nobody... {full of rage} NOBODY INSULTS MY SON!!!

{Out of absolute rage, she punches Deep Claw very hard on his cheek, making him collapse. Everyone looks in shock.}

STAR BAD: Did mom just...? VIOLET BLUE: {simultaneously} Oh my god... KNOW-IT-ALLY: {simultaneously} Holy calculations... MILESTONE: {simultaneously} Damn, dude!

{The Cheat pushes a button, opening the door to the base of the UFO, and signals the kids to save everybody else. The nine kids run to the base. Deep Claw stands up, infuriated with rage.}

DEEP CLAW: {yelling, echoing} KILL THEM!!!!!!

STRONG BAD: {clenching fists} Not if we have anything to say about this!

DEEP CLAW: What do you mean, "we"?

STRONG BAD: Me, my brother, girlfriend and pet The Cheat!

{The four glare with angry looks. Deep Claw is not scared.}

DEEP CLAW: Kill them, Steel Man!


{Strong Mad gives Steel Man a very hard punch on the face, and Steel Man yells flying through the air before falling through the window, and a dull thud is heard. Deep Claw is angrier than ever.}


MAD HATT AND SHOV: Yes master!

THE ANIMAL: {growls in agreement}

{Mad Hatt and Shov go for Strong Bad and Baddette, but Baddette manages to shove Mad Hatt's head down into his torso, while he cries out in muffled protests. Strong Bad gives Shov (who is about to attack Baddette) a wedgie, and Shov yells and Strong Bad gives him a good kick in the butt, sending him flying through the broken window. Baddette then throws Mad Hatt (who still can't see) out the window too. The Animal looks at the group in shock and despair.}

THE ANIMAL: {running away to the window in fear} You owe me a life!

{The Animal jumps from the window and falls to his (assumed) death. Deep Claw looks out the window in sadness, which suddenly turns into rage.}

DEEP CLAW: YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS YOU- {sees he's all alone} AH CRAP!!!!

{Cut to where everyone else is captured. Suddenly, Homestar Jr., The Cheat, the Bads and the kids bust in and everyone cheers.}

POM-POM: {bubbling with excitement} (Palm-Palm! YOU'RE OKAY!)

JACK-JACK: YAY! My best friend came to save me! {giggles}

STRONG SAD: What's going on?

MILESTONE: DAD! {hugs Homeschool} You're alive!


MARZIPAN: {tears of joy} Oh my God, Homestar Jr.! You're okay! {he hugs her} You're safe and sound!

{Cut to Marzistar and Marzipan Jr. in a cage. They cheer in delight as Homestar Jr. frees them. They hug him.}

MARZISTAR and MARZIPAN JR.: We love you, big brother!

STRONG BAD: Listen up! Deep Claw is going to kill us all!

BADDETTE: We took out his minions, so it's all of us against him!

THE CHEAT: {agreeing Cheat noises}


{Homezipan purposefully cuts in front of them.}

HOMEZIPAN: Everybody! My brother is not-

MONOCLE, SPECS, KNOW-IT-ALLY and VIOLET BLUE: {angry} Shut it, Homezipan!

{Homezipan pouts and everyone looks at Monocle in shock and wonder.}

BUBS: Who is that girl with the brown dress?

SPECS: Everyone, this is my long lost sister Monocle. We haven't seen each other in about twelve years!

MONOCLE: I've seen what's been going on for the last six weeks, and we must put a stop to Deep Claw's reign of terror!

MILESTONE: {sets up his camera} And I got footage to prove everything that it wasn't Homestar Jr.'s fault!

{The scene of Deep Claw (then Mr. Crawford) sabotaging Homestar Jr.'s inventions is shown by a hologram. Everybody gasps in shock.}

HOMESTAR JR.: See, I am innocent all the time!

HOMEZIPAN: I would have got away with it if it wasn't for dork boy!

DEEP CLAW: {voice only} As would I!

{Everybody gasps. Milestone hastily puts camera away and Deep Claw shows up with a bazooka.}

DEEP CLAW: So... I was found out. I can destroy you all and get away with it! But I've just one bullet!

SPECS: You must know, I have one question to ask before I die...

DEEP CLAW: {grins} Go ahead. Ask.

SPECS: {leaning in forward} How did my mom die?

{Record scratch. Deep Claw stands till, turning slightly pale.}

DEEP CLAW: Excuse me?

SPECS: You heard. {putting stress on each word} How. Did. My. Mother. Die?

{Deep Claw gulps and sees everyone's eyes burning into him, a total loss for words. He scowls angrily.}

DEEP CLAW: Do any of you know what it's like to get more than one grandchild? {no replies; he growls} A few days after Specs was born, my daughter called me a "dirty old Scrooge". This burned into me, and I vowed to get even, and lie to Specs that Oriana died from a quiet disease.

{Everyone looks on in shock as Deep Claw continues.}

DEEP CLAW: {getting angrier each moment} On the first week after Specs' birth, I spiked Oriana's drink! On purpose! It was something unnamed that could kill anyone in about a few days! Then she died, Specs and Monocle cried for their dead mother, and for not having a father, because I killed him two weeks before Specs was born!!!

{Everybody gasps. Specs looks on in horror, angst and sadness, tears leak into her eyes.}

DEEP CLAW: {now almost very angry} He never let me live down of having a second child! {growls} I LIED ALL THE TIME TO HER, BLAMING HER FOR ORIANA'S DEATH! IT WAS ME THE ENTIRE TIME!

HOMESTAR JR.: {angry} Then you know how I nearly got killed by the town!

DEEP CLAW: {extremely furious} I DID IT!!!! I DID IT ALL!!! {to the kids} You interfering, little SOB's! {to everybody} I WANTED TO RULE THE TOWN SO I SABOTAGED EVERYTHING HE BUILT TWO WEEKS AGO AND LOOK AT ME NOW!!!!

SPECS: {sobbing, with anger} I-I can't believe it! YOU KILLED MY FATHER!



DEEP CLAW: All right! I lied about that. {darkly} You'll all be my slaves, everybody! Should any disobey, they will face death from ME!! PEOPLE WILL KNOW THAT DEEP CLAW IS THE BEST!!!

{He laughs maniacally and everybody shouts jeers and boos at him. Dark music plays.}

DEEP CLAW: It's fantastic I'm surrounded by absolute losers! {everybody takes offense on each insult} Homestar and Miley Homey, you're both just dorky dimwits! Strong Bad, Strong Mad, The Cheat, Baddette, Star Bad and Know-it-Ally, you're all big losers with big egos! Strong Sad and Forlornelle, you're a pair of whiners! Pom-Pom and Palm-Palm, you're too round and fat! Marzipan, you're just an old broomstick! Bubs, you're a terrible, fat guy at selling stuff! The King of Town, you're an extremely lame ruler of this town! Homezipan and Jack-Jack, you're both annoying brats! Milestone, you're so dorky and a big loser! Violet Blue, you're a total wuss! Specs, Monocle and Rosemary, you're all pathetic for liking any of these guys! Coach Z and Poopsmith... I CAN GO ON FOR DAYS ABOUT WHAT YOUR FREAKING PROBLEMS ARE, AT THAT POOPSMITH CAN'T EVEN SPEAK FOR A FREAK!

{He laughs evilly until Homestar Jr. throws a rock at him. The music stops and everybody gasps. Homestar Jr. looks very angry.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Leave. My. Friends. ALONE!

DEEP CLAW: {growls} You. You're the total worst of the whole bunch! You always try to be everyone's big hero and best friend, and you're only just a lousy dork with a big ego the size of your brain! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!!?

HOMESTAR JR.: {angrily spits on Deep Claw's cheek, everyone gasps}

DEEP CLAW: YOU LITTLE BRAT!!! {echos, everything shakes; he holds up bazooka, pointed at Ally and Violet, standing in front of the machine that frees everybody trapped} Prepare to die!

{Palm-Palm and Milestone gasp. In a heroic moment, Palm-Palm shoves Violet Blue out of the way, Milestone does too with Ally, and Deep Claw fires the bazooka, but the bullet misses and instead hits the panel, freeing everybody.}


DEEP CLAW: {yells in absolute fury} AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH! {smashes bazooka on floor and jumps up and down in rage} YOU RUINED MY BLASTED PLAN!

{Cut to Violet Blue on the floor. Palm-Palm is on top of her chest first. Violet Blue notices Palm-Palm and smiles. Romantic music begins to play.}

PALM-PALM: Oh. Um...

VIOLET BLUE: {kisses him}

{Palm-Palm gasps and jumps up in surprise and floats in mid-air. Violet giggles on seeing that. Know-it-Ally hugs Milestone with all her love and kisses him. Milestone sighs romantically.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Guys! {romantic music is cut} Romance later, save the town first!

{An alarm goes off. Cut to a sign, flashing in red letters "DANGER" repeatedly. Deep Claw smirks.}

DEEP CLAW: You bleeding fool!

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: Oh, ruddy hell...

DEEP CLAW: That machine was keeping the UFO alive, and now it's going down! If any survive, {begins to fly, still in standing position} I won't be surprised! Particularly Homestar Jr.!


DEEP CLAW: We will face off at the cliffs should you survive! This battle will be your final one! {laughs evilly and flies out of the UFO}

{Cut to the exterior of the UFO, smoking and shaking. Deep Claw flies out, laughing evilly. Cut to the interior. More alarms go off.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Everybody! I've got parachutes for everybody, and the UFO will self destruct in twenty nine minutes! {Cut to a timer, counting down from 29:00. Cut back to Homestar Jr.} This will give us a chance to escape! Now hurry!

{In a one minute montage, everybody puts on parachutes, and the timer beeps, showing 24:07, 20:12, 17:32, 11:01, 07:06 and 03:12. Now everybody has parachutes on, and the opening is opened.}

MARZIPAN: We better jump and hurry, and we only got TWO MINUTES AND FIFTY FOUR SECONDS LEFT!!!

HOMESTAR JR.: Everybody jump before we all die!

{From between 02:49 to 00:49, in double speed, everybody jumps until Homestar Jr. and Specs are left. Specs has a parachute, but Homestar Jr. doesn't.}

SPECS: I got a parachute and you don't! We only got forty seconds left!

HOMESTAR JR.: You hold onto me, and we'll both fall and live!

{Cut to everybody else on the ground, as The Cheat lands safely. Everyone looks to see the UFO, still smoking.}

STRONG BAD: This baby could blow any second! Where are Homestar Jr. and Specs?

MARZIPAN: {worried} Oh, please hurry! Probably less than thirty seconds left!

{Cut back to the UFO interior with Homestar Jr. and Specs.}

VOICE: Self destruct in twenty seconds!

{Specs looks at Homestar Jr. with sad eyes, and promptly agrees, taking off her parachute, giving it to Homestar Jr. Specs grabs onto Homestar Jr., and they prepare the jump.}

SPECS: Hurry!

VOICE: Self destruct in five...

HOMESTAR JR.: All right!

VOICE: three... two...

{Homestar Jr. jumps holding Specs, and as the timer reaches 00:00, the parachute activates and the UFO explodes. Everybody looks on in absolute horror.}

MARZIPAN: NO!! {Homestar Jr.'s hat falls to the ground, Marzipan picks it up and cries} No... no. Please, God no! {continues sobbing}

{Everybody looks on in sadness, believing Homestar Jr. and Specs are dead. Some have tears in their eyes, others look guilty.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Specs and I jumped. The explosion happened. Everybody thought we were dead. Or were we?

{Cut to Homestar Jr. and Specs jumping down through the hole of the UFO. As they open parachute, the UFO explodes, sending them flying in the air, away from the group, and Homestar Jr.'s hat flies off, landing close to where the group is.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Aw crap!

SPECS: Oh, Homestar Jr., you saved us!

HOMESTAR JR.: Yeah. {chuckles} Where are we?

SPECS: Look out! Mountain!

HOMESTAR JR.: Wha- {They run smack into a mountain. Homestar Jr. cries out and he and Specs slide onto a ledge.} That was a slider!

SPECS: Where are we?

{Cut to Specs' POV, and she sees the entire town from a distance. Very faintly is a group of people, their friends. Cut back to both.}

HOMESTAR JR.: They think we're dead.

{Cut back to the group, mourning over Homestar Jr. and Specs' assumed death.}

STRONG BAD: Hardly got to know the poor fellas.

PALM-PALM: He was my best friend!

KNOW-IT-ALLY: There's a half chance he survived the explosion. The other half... they may have died.

{Cut to Deep Claw, close to the top of the mountain, which is his lair. He chuckles evilly. A 360 degree turn of him happens as he speaks.}

DEEP CLAW: Yes, I can't believe everything fell into place. I put the self destruction and I hoped to make sure they died in the explosion. Took me six weeks to ensure everything happened. I would have harmed Homeschool, make people suspicious, and then sabotage Homestar Jr.'s inventions to ensure I came to this state! I would also destroy the school partly, and ensure Homestar Jr. got the blame. Before that I built the UFO and the giant robot during those six weeks, when not being principal. All I needed to do once the kid was gone, I would invade, and I also knew some would run away and join his plan to stop me. I even knew the Bads would believe in Monocle, and defeat my minions. I planned that when the brain girl and blue girl were in front of the panels, and when they ducked, it would ruin the panels, triggering the alarm, and causing me to escape in a few seconds, and everyone else in less than thirty! At the last second, Homestar Jr. and Specs would be dead, and I would take over and rename the town from Free Country USA to Clawtopia, and take over everything! {The rotation stops, back to him facing the audience.} Yes... {curls fingers and snaps claw} just like cakewalk...

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: What he didn't know is that Specs and I survived the explosion.

{Cut back to Homestar Jr. and Specs, stunned and shocked.}

HOMESTAR JR.: If I moved a second later, we'd probably be dead and burned to ashes.

SPECS: It's faster and easier than falling asleep, right?

HOMESTAR JR.: Yeah. {chuckles weakly} Oh, somebody please help us now...

{Like a prayer, Helen Angelica appears with the ghost Specs' mother, Oriana!}

HOMESTAR JR.: It's Helen! And Specs, who is that?


{Helen Angelica and Oriana land on the ground, in front of Homestar Jr. and Specs.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Helen, this is Specs.

HELEN ANGELICA: I've heard of you, Specs. I went into heaven and found your mother's spirit.

ORIANA: {in a voice like Specs, but more womanly} Oh, Specs, how much you've grown for twelve years!

SPECS: Thanks mom.

HOMESTAR JR.: We need help in defeating Deep Claw for good, restoring peace to Free Country USA!

HELEN ANGELICA: He is up at the top of the mountain, and the mists are coming in about an hour! We'll follow you the whole time!

{Cut to Homestar Jr. and Specs running up the side of the mountain to uplifting heroic music. Helen Angelica and Oriana's ghost follow closely behind.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: And so, we were ready to save the day! To stop Deep Claw from winning! {The Grim Reaper spirit appears next to Homestar Jr.} I felt from my eye the Grim Reaper was creeping up next to me, wanting to take me down, but I refused to let it stop me! {The Grim Reaper vanishes.} I never went through being lied upon by my sister, blamed upon by my town and taken away from the people I cared most to survive a nasty explosion! No, I was ready to prove myself again a true friend... and... a new hero!

{Cut to Deep Claw near the top of his mountain lair. The mist rolls in as the heroic music fades into dull music.}

DEEP CLAW: The mist is in. {turns his eye on, like a flashlight} I need to see...

{From his POV, he sees Homestar Jr. and Specs coming towards him. Cut to him again, and he is infuriated. His eyes are wide with anger, his jaw is clenched and his teeth bars, all in absolute rage.}


HOMESTAR JR.: That's right, Deep Claw! I'm back, and still alive and kicking!


SPECS: With extra help!

{Helen Angelica and Oriana's ghost appear next to them. Deep Claw is taken aback.}


ORIANA: I'm a bloody ghost, you cruel father of mine! My husband would be infuriated when he sees what you've become, father!

DEEP CLAW: I didn't want a second child! If I did, I would have poisoned you earlier, making your daughter stillborn at birth!

HELEN ANGELICA: Deep Claw, you don't deserve a place in Free Country USA! You're cruel and nasty, and very overall selfish!

HOMESTAR JR.: It's time to pay the price, Crawford! If you couldn't love Specs, then nobody could!

DEEP CLAW: I KILL YOU!!! {snaps claw in anger twice}

{Homestar Jr. sees a generator, then comes up with an idea.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Specs, I have another plan! Helen and Oriana will hold off Deep Claw, and you and I will disable this generator! It's for taking over the town, using mind control!

DEEP CLAW: Enough jibber-jabber, dork kid! The gloves are off, prepare to die!

HOMESTAR JR.: Specs, do you trust me enough to do something that may be potentially stupid?

{Specs looks at the generator, and smiles warmly.}

SPECS: I trust you... Homestar Runner, Jr.!

HOMESTAR JR.: That's what I wanted to hear!

{Homestar Jr. and Specs run to the generator. Deep Claw tries to attack, but is blocked by Oriana and Helen Angelica's powers.}


{Homestar Jr. opens up the generator, fiddles with the controls, to ensure Deep Claw's plan doesn't work, and Specs messes with the antennas. After twenty seconds, Helen and Oriana stop using powers, and Deep Claw is now infuriated.}

DEEP CLAW: {the angriest he's ever been} THAT'S IT!!! I'M THROUGH MESSING AROUND!!! SEE YOU NEVER, FOOLS!!!

{Deep Claw pushes a button, but nothing happens. He tries again, but the generator begins to spark.}

DEEP CLAW: What the-

HOMESTAR JR.: Think of it as payback for messing up my inventions!

DEEP CLAW: {growls} You little- GAAAAAAAH!!!! I HATE YOU SO MUCH!!!! YOU'RE DEAD!!! DO YOU HEAR ME?!?!? {voice echos}

{Deep Claw's anger echos back to Free Country USA. Everybody looks up in surprise. The music swells.}

MILEY HOMEY: What was that?

VIOLET BLUE: I don't know. Kinda sounded like Deep Claw!

STRONG BAD: Sounds like he's mad about something!

MARZIPAN: {hopeful} Does it mean?

{Cut to Deep Claw, Homestar Jr., Specs, Oriana's ghost and Helen Angelica with the malfunctioning generator. The generator gives out and explodes.}


HOMESTAR JR.: My plan exactly.


SPECS: Not likely!

{The mountain begins to crumble. We cut to the giant robot, which suddenly begins to spark and break down.}


{Everybody screams in terror, running away from the collapsing robot, which explodes to pieces. Cut back to the mountain.}


{The mountain begins to collapse, rocks fall off. The ground crumbles.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Before we all knew it, I felt as if we were all going to die!

{Deep Claw gets out a lazer and cocks it at Homestar Jr.'s head, powering it up. Homestar Jr. gulps.}

DEEP CLAW: This is the last time you mess with my evil plans, Homestar Jr.!

HOMESTAR JR.: I'm not afraid of you. I'm not afraid of death either!

DEEP CLAW: {smirks and chuckles evilly} Goodbye...

ORIANA: You are a coward, father! You're attacking those unprepared for battle!

DEEP CLAW: Who can stop me now?!

{Just before he lets go of the trigger, Specs smacks a rock at his head, and has a very ticked off look on her face. The laser runs into the side of the mountain.}


{The mountain collapses even further, and without warning, Helen grabs onto Homestar Jr. before he can fall, and Oriana grabs onto Specs, leaving Deep Claw knocked out and helpless. The two girl spirits carry Homestar Jr. and Specs off, leaving the mountain to collapse.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: The moment the mountain collapsed, taking Deep Claw, the whole town wondered what happened.

{Cut to the remains of Deep Claw's giant robot. Everybody looks at it with shock.}


COACH Z: The darmige is dorn!

BUBS: If only Homestar Jr. were here to see that he is a true hero.

THE CHEAT: {grinning, with excited Cheat noises} (Everybody! Everybody look!)

{Everyone, including Marzipan, looks at what The Cheat is looking at and gasps in shock and amazement. Helen Angelica (holding Homestar Jr.) and Oriana (holding Specs; don't ask me how and why) float down towards the citizens. When Homestar Jr. and Specs are let go, they walk slowly towards the crowd, who begin to cheer loudly.}

HOMESTAR JR.: What's going on?

SPECS: They're cheering for you.

{Homestar Jr. smiles and blushes.}

ROSEMARY: How did you manage to survive? That's incredible!

COACH Z: Yer parents might be proud of you.

MILESTONE: You're really something, Homestar Jr.

VIOLET BLUE: And where would we be without you?

STRONG BAD: They should make him a trophy or something.

HOMESCHOOL WINNER: You make me proud to be a Runner.

{Monocle sees Specs with Oriana's spirit and runs over to her.}

MONOCLE: Mom, is that you?

ORIANA: Yes, Monocle. {tousles her hair} Last time I saw you was when you were two years old.

SPECS: Homestar Jr.'s done so much for me, hasn't he?

ORIANA: Yes, he has, my dear. But I can't stay forever.


ORIANA: I've been dead for twelve years and I came back because Helen told me you needed help to defeat Deep Claw.

SPECS: {sobbing, placing head on Oriana's chest} But I want you in my life again, mom!

ORIANA: I'm always here for you, Specs. And Monocle too. As long as these memories of me are in your pure hearts.

{Monocle and Specs smile sadly, tears in their eyes. Everybody is seeing this.}

STRONG SAD: Who is that?

HOMESTAR JR.: It's Specs and Monocle's mother, Oriana.

MARZIPAN: How is it possible?

HOMESTAR JR.: It isn't. It just is.

{Cut back to Monocle, Specs and Oriana.}

ORIANA: I must get going, my girls.

SPECS: I'll say goodbye before you go... the chance I never got twelve years ago, since I was very little.

{Oriana hugs Monocle and Specs (don't ask how). Everyone "aww's".}

STRONG BAD: I'm not gonna cry.

FORLORNELLE: {cries in happiness}

STRONG BAD: Uh, excuse me... {runs off to cry in private}

MONOCLE: We'll miss you, mother. We love you.

ORIANA: I love you too, my dear sweet daughters.

{The hug breaks and Oriana turns to everybody.}

ORIANA: I'll miss all of you, but you may not have known me at all. And Homestar Jr., ensure you'll look out for Specs and Monocle.

HOMESTAR JR.: {smiles} I'll make sure of that.

{Oriana smiles, and she disappears, Helen follows. Specs turns to Homestar Jr. and hugs him, crying.}

HOMESTAR JR.: It's all right, Specs. It's okay to cry every once in a while.

SPECS: {sniffles, despite her lack of nose} Thank you... {cries again}

{We cut to Strong Bad, Baddette, Strong Mad and The Cheat having tied up Mad Hatt, Steel Man, Shov and The Animal, who apparently survived.}

STRONG BAD: {grunts} There! That's the last of them!

MAD HATT: Hey, what just happened?

STEEL MAN: Steel Man and friends lose?

SHOV: The fall might have had karmic impact.

THE ANIMAL: {growls softly}

MAD HATT: We should be doing something.

{Cut to the four in a prison cell. The policeman speaks sternly with them.}

POLICEMAN: Not a chance you guys are escaping this cell! {walks off} I'm surrounded by idiots....

SHOV: I went through my life for this?

{Cut to the landslide where Deep Claw fell. Deep Claw's claw arm raises up and he walks on, injured and in pain.}

DEEP CLAW: I'll get those kids... {mutters}

{He approaches the crowd, not pleased to see him.}

DEEP CLAW: {growls} You think that boy is so special... BUT JUST YOU WAIT! {The police grab onto him} One day I'll get my revenge! Oh crap...

{The school board - in broad black suits - walks up, with stern looks. The leader scowls at Deep Claw.}

SCHOOL BOARD LEADER: Well, well, well, Mr. Crawford! I should have known you caused all this trouble.

{Marzipan motions to Homestar Jr.}

MARZIPAN: They're the Free Country Academy Board.

HOMESTAR JR.: Oh man...

DEEP CLAW: It... it was the dumb kid who got me into this mess! I-

SCHOOL BOARD LEADER: Your job was to be the principal, and we heard from a Mr. Milestone "Miles" Winner that the video he shown us proves you are incapable of being in charge of the Academy. As of today, you are being replaced by Miss Rosemary as principal!

DEEP CLAW: {as he's being dragged away} Aw, come on! One day, Homestar Jr., I'LL BE BACK AND HAVE MY REVENGE!!! {laughs maniacally}

HOMESTAR JR.: Not likely...

{The school board leader turns to Homestar Jr. and smiles kindly.}

SCHOOL BOARD LEADER: You're Homestar Jr. We've heard a lot about you. My name is Jim McKenzie. {he shakes Homestar Jr.'s foot with his hand} It's an honor to meet you in person at last!

MARZIPAN: I heard he was accused of something he never did intend to, but what will happen to the Academy?

JIM McKENZIE: Ah, yes! The school is undergoing repairs and will reopen a week before Halloween! Also, I'd expect after everything which happened over the last two months to become a legendary story, and your son would become something of a celebrity for a twelve year old. And also... {grins} I'm a sports fanatic myself.

MARZIPAN: That is so kind of you, Mr. McKenzie!

{Marzipan, Jim and the school board look up at the sky before leaving Homestar Jr. alone. Cut to Marzipan and Rosemary, both apparently angry with Homezipan and Jack-Jack.}

MARZIPAN: Homezipan Walker Runner! Did you intend to get Homestar Jr. in trouble?

HOMEZIPAN: Uh, no! I mean- Erm- Well- Eh, maybe?

JACK-JACK: We was having a joke and all and-

ROSEMARY: No, lies! All lies!

MARZIPAN: Homezipan, your instructions while I was gone were simple! You were to behave yourself for five weeks, watched by Homeschool until his attack by Crawford! And instead, you tell everybody "Oh, it was dork boy's fault" and act like you know better than everyone! I am shocked and disappointed with you!

ROSEMARY: And you, Jack-Jack! You tell naughty stories and jokes about Homestar Jr., and told us his "broom mom was a toom-tom"!

MARZIPAN: She really said that?!

JACK-JACK: It's true because it rhymes!

HOMEZIPAN: {angry} It isn't my fault Homestar Jr.'s a total dork! If he'd suck it up and behave normally-!

MARZIPAN: Your brother behaves just fine for a twelve year old! I have also dropped my lawsuit for damage on Free Country Academy.

HOMEZIPAN: Humph! {mutters} Stupid broom...

MARZIPAN: {ignoring the insult} Homezipan, you're grounded for a month!

ROSEMARY: You two girls both have detention for a month!

HOMEZIPAN and JACK-JACK: Aw, come on!

{Homestar Jr. walks in.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Please, mother. May I help? I could watch over their behaviors for an entire month to ensure they don't cause more trouble.

{Marzipan and Rosemary look at each other and smile, thinking it's a great idea.}

ROSEMARY: Thank you, Homestar Jr.! Most kind of you. And keep a close watch of Jack-Jack. She isn't feeling well.

{Homezipan and Jack-Jack glare angrily at Homestar Jr. It's all too terrible for both.}

HOMEZIPAN: {angry} Watched by who I lied about! It's humiliating!

HOMESTAR JR.: Be thankful you're not getting further punishment!

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Homezipan and Jack-Jack gulp every time they hear that.

{Cut to Deep Claw in prison in a separate cell opposite of his minions.}

DEEP CLAW: One day, Homestar Jr.! ONE FREAKING DAY!!!

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Um, yeah. Anyway... {clears throat}

{Cut to everybody working together to restore Free Country USA in a montage.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: And so our lovely town was restored, and during the time, {Cut to Homestar Jr. looking hard at Homezipan and Jack-Jack in the field} I made sure those two cheeky girls didn't cause further trouble. I was praised as a true hero to all.

{Cut to the entrance of Free Country Academy, fully repaired.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: On the 23rd, Mr. McKenzie and Ms. Rosemary made a speech on the reopening ceremony, how I managed to become a hero and stood up to the deadly Deep Claw.

{Cut to Monocle in the new hallway, by her locker.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Monocle even got enrolled as a new student! She is now a ninth grade student, and in three years will become a senior and attend Free Country University.

{Cut to Homezipan and Jack-Jack in the field, sighing sadly.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: And when Homezipan and Jack-Jack's punishments were lifted, whenever somebody saw them, {Strong Bad walks by and frowns} they gave nothing but a pitying look at them. I guess it's true when people say it doesn't pay to lie.

{Cut to a bird's eye view of Free Country USA in November, the leaves fall from trees, the wind blows and birds are singing.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: My story began in Free Country USA, and it eventually spread across, from the Free Country Railway to Stark Hawk Canada, my tale was big!

{Cut to Junk Scrap. Homeschool's car is gone, and the remains of the robot and UFO are there.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Oh yeah, forgot to tell you! My uncle's car was restored again, and Deep Claw's robot and UFO - what's left of them - were sent to Junk Scrap, never used again.

{Cut to the field on December 24. The snow is falling, and everybody is chattering happily. Specs is sitting on a chair, looking forlorn and unhappy. Monocle is trying to comfort her.}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: Come the day before Decemberween on the 24th. It was something I would never forget... ever!

{Homestar Jr., looking a tiny bit older, walks up to Specs and sees she's unhappy.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Um, Specs are you okay?

MONOCLE: She's sad for our mother.

SPECS: {quietly} I miss her still... I finally had the chance to say goodbye to her...

{Specs wraps her arms around Homestar Jr.}

SPECS: I wanted to tell you something... four months ago...

HOMESTAR JR.: What is it?

SPECS: Ever since we met, I thought you were smart, handsome, sensitive, and an overall sweet guy. What I'm saying is... I... love... you...

HOMESTAR JR.: {shocked} Y-y-you do?!

SPECS: {nods}

HOMESTAR JR.: I love you too, Specs. You're a sweet girl, sometimes a bit of a crybaby, but you never give up on ones you love.

MONOCLE: {smiles} Take it easy on her, and don't be too hasty on love!

HOMESTAR JR.: I'm always starting slowly on love before speeding up!

MONOCLE: {chuckles} Oh, we'll see about that.

{Specs smiles and stands up. She and Homestar Jr. look in each other's eyes, blush and they kiss for the very first time. Everybody watching feels happy for them and applauds them.}

HOMEZIPAN: Are they sweet, Starry Baddy?

STAR BAD: I don't know what you're talking about! And I don't care!

HOMEZIPAN: Don't deny that! You know I love you!

STAR BAD: {scowls} Freakin' smarty-pants werido...

{Cut to Milestone and Ally who hold each other tightly and to Palm-Palm and Violet Blue, who gives Palm-Palm a kiss and he faints. Cut to the brick wall. Helen and Oriana appear with a flash, and smile at the new couple.}

HELEN ANGELICA: It's nice he's found your daughter as a new love.

ORIANA: {chuckles} He has a bigger challenge up ahead soon.

{Cut to Homestar Jr., Specs and the crowd. As Homestar Jr. speaks, the camera zooms out to Salsa Commodity's cover of "Homestar Runner".}

NARRATOR HOMESTAR JR.: I'm always happy being with Specs. I dunno what would have happened if I lost - in fact, I don't wanna know - for now our town is once again in peace. Living in my town, along with friends, family and Specs - the sweet girl I deeply love - it shows me I really belong. No one on Earth would be happier than me and my friends in Free Country USA. Who am I? I'm Homestar Runner, Junior!

{The camera zooms out to show Earth. The only land on Earth is the poles and outline of United States. Homestar Jr. is running around Earth, like in the Theme Song Video, and we cut to a still shot of everyone who starred in the movie (including Homsar) standing in their normal clothes and in front of a plain blue background, parodying The Beatles' Sgt. Pepper album cover.}

SINGER: Yeah! Thank you!

{The words THE END show up in large red letters on the dirt about five seconds after the still shot appears. Fade to black.}

{The end credits appear on the right side of the screen. Featured are all the characters that appeared in the movie. The songs Today is All Right 4 2Nite, the Dangeresque theme, Experimental Film performed by They Might Be Giants and an instrumental version of Please Stop Trying to Handle my Style are heard in that order in the background.}

{During the credit sequence, the characters show up in groups in that order: {C Mad Hatt, Steel Man, Shov and The Animal; {C The King of Town and The Poopsmith; {C Miley Homey, Jack-Jack, Rosemary and Forlornelle; {C The Announcer, Policeman and Nurse; {C Star Bad's Three Gang Members; {C The Five School Board Members; {C Airport Guy, Ticket Booth Guy, Stoker (Fireman) and Steamer (Driver); {C Coach Z, Strong Mad and Jim McKenzie; {C Strong Sad, The Cheat, Marzistar and Marzipan Jr.; {C Bubs, Pom-Pom, Marzipan and Violet Blue; {C Strong Bad and Baddette; (Strong Bad: Wait a minute! Where's Homsar?) {C Star Bad and Homezipan; (Homezipan shows love for Star Bad, who backs off in disgust) {C Milestone, Know-it-Ally and Palm-Palm; (Palm-Palm: Ah, are these credits gonna go on forever?) {C The Grim Reaper; (The Grim Reaper breathes out red smoke) {C Specs, Monocle, Oriana and Helen Angelica; (Specs: Who are we missing from the character line up?) {C Mr. Crawford/Deep Claw; (Deep Claw snaps his claw and laughs evilly, which echos) {C and Homestar Runner and Homestar Jr.}

HOMESTAR JR.: Well, that's the last of the character line up for Homestar Runner, even though I'm the star, not him!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: We're stars of a movie? YAY!

HOMESTAR JR.: {as the credits finish to the top of the screen and they fly up with their names} Aw, cra-

{Homsar waddles in from the left to his walking sound.}

HOMSAR: DaaAAAAAaaa! I like to stay until the end just like you!

{Zoom in on Homsar's bowler hat, to the stripe. The text "The End" appears in yellow. Fade out to black, ending the movie.}

{Strong Bad and Homestar walk on screen, wondering where they are.}

STRONG BAD: Where the crap are we? Is this the end? Where are we? Cyberspace? Is that how this crappy movie ends?!

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {holding a Twinkie} Twinkie, anybody?

STRONG BAD: {runs off screaming} NOT AGAIN!!!

{The screen blacks out with a slap effect. Homestar groans.}

HOMESTAR RUNNER: {voice only} Those things are bad for you!

TEXT: Dedicated to Don "Strong Dad" Chapman, the "heart and soul" of, who, on April 15, 2006, passed away at his home.

{Cut to a preview screen with a green background for about ten seconds}



{Cut to black, finally ending the movie!}


TwiceStyle is remaking this script to suit the website and be a bit longer. The final result will be collected here.